I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Mar 19 2021
My next door neighbor and I are very good friends, so we decided to share our water supply, because..
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︎ May 25 2021
Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?
After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour
I saw it through my telescope last night
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︎ May 02 2021
My neighbor asked me if I recognized the mini statues in my front graden...
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︎ May 20 2021
Can you explain why your neighborโs yard is so messy and overgrown?
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︎ May 16 2021
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighborโs yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
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︎ May 26 2021
I saw my neighbor leave her house to get bread...
A few months later, she came back and there was a bun in her oven.
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︎ May 16 2021
My neighbor thinks I spy on her.
I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now.
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︎ May 03 2021
My neighbors had their ladder stolen last night.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
A neighbor asked to borrow my step-ladder...
Me: Sure! Here, it's in my garage.
My Neighbor: That's not a step-ladder.
Me: Yes, it is. My wife brought it from her previous marriage.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Iโve always wanted to tap my neighborsโ maple tree, but he wouldnโt give me permission.
Think I could do it syruptitiously?
๐︎ 19
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︎ Feb 28 2021
My neighbor, Mr. Coffee, came stumbling into the police station this morning.
Apparently, he had been mugged.
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︎ Feb 16 2021
I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun
He said "I'm going to choo choo"
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︎ Feb 25 2021
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
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︎ Sep 06 2020
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.
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︎ Apr 01 2021
My neighbor wanted to borrow some spaghetti and asked what they owed me
I said: it'll cost you a pretty penne.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...
But it was his own dumb asphalt...
๐︎ 10k
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︎ Jul 24 2020
I gifted my back door neighbors a ice crusher.
It was a good ice breaker in the retrospect.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
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︎ Jan 14 2021
I saw one of my neighbors throwing their trash into another neighbor's trashcan
I told him to stop trash passing.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
My neighbor just asked what I do with โleft overโ bacon.
I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but Iโve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Back in 56' my neighbor was arrested for supporting the USSR...
The officials said it was "a big red flag".
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︎ Feb 09 2021
My neighbor says Iโm trespassing. Iโm unsure if I am or not.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Our neighbor was attacked by mimes yesterday
They did unspeakable things
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I was talking to my neighbor's wife and she told me that her dog had bit her husband, so they had to put him down.
Then she asked if I could take out the trash weekly.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighborโs attention.
He mustโve been at deafโs door.
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︎ Feb 03 2021
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Mar 29 2020
My neighbor just got arrested for illegally growing Marijuana.
Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Dad : Oh no! Our neighbor died!
Mom : Who, Ray?
Dad : I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I saw my neighbor talking to her cat this morning...
It was clear she thought the cat understood her.
I came inside and told my dog. We had a good laugh about that.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
I think my Australian neighbor is into philosophy
He keeps saying ''Oi, Kant''
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︎ Nov 01 2020
My neighbor drones on and on about his notoriously unreliable Swedish sports car...
It seems like a great big Saab story to me.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
What did a tree say to its annoying neighbor?
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︎ Dec 23 2020
If Dwayne Johnson had downstairs neighbors, they would be clueless about just about everything.
You would be too if you lived under a Rock.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
My neighbor got hit by a rental car.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My neighbor is an epileptic midget who really loves pizza.
Seems like everyday heโs having little seizures.
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︎ Oct 23 2020
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighborsโฆ One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacksโฆ Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says โMy wifeโs an angel
I said, โyouโre lucky โ mine is still aliveโฆโ
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︎ Nov 21 2020
My neighbor is playing very loud music
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︎ Nov 21 2020
My neighbor spent all day laying sod in his front garden, then last night, someone stole it!
Heโs outside now, looking forlornโฆ
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....
But yesterday it was All Night Long
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︎ Nov 14 2020
My neighbor asked why i bought a new lawn mower...
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
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︎ Jul 17 2020
The police were not convinced that my neighbor had hidden plastic explosives in his basement, so I told them...
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︎ Nov 13 2020
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
๐︎ 10k
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︎ Jun 24 2020
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 21 2020
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
๐︎ 12k
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︎ Aug 22 2019
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