I'm hiding in my Finnish Neighbours shed, waiting to jump out and surprise him.
It's like a sauna in here.
My new neighbour asked what I did for a living, and I told her that I'm an existentialist philosopher...
Her: "So what does that mean, you just sit around thinking about being all day?"
Me: "No, some days I also think about nothing."
My neighbour got bit by a female deer and starts acting like one on a full moon...
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling “The end is near!”
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
"Have you seen my Post-it note for our neighbour's party on the fridge?" my wife asked.
I said, "I don't want our neighbours having a party on our fridge."
My holiday home neighbour planted a tall row of trees blocking my view.
I was arrested yesterday after neighbours complained about me playing Englebert Humperdink records all night
Police released me, let me go!
My neighbour died after falling into a giant vat of coffee, but thankfully didn’t suffer.
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
He’s a catholic converter.
My dad asked me, “Do you know why our neighbour’s house burned down?”
Me: Fireworks?
Dad: Yeah. Sadly it does.
My gf complained about our loud neighbours
Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out
Gf: what kind of logic is that?
Me: Sound logic
Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"
The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"
My neighbours complained about me groaning and moaning too loudly while having sex in the morning.
If only they knew, I was just trying to put my socks on.
My neighbour is a key worker.
My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.
He lives just a stone throw away.
Our neighbour's 6 year old son was sleeping in their house, I've seen it and called the Cops right away
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
I was trying to reshape the border of my back yard when my neighbours fence fell over...
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
My neighbour banged on my door at 3am, screaming and shouting hysterically, the poor fella..
Luckily, I was up practicing my drums at the time..
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.
Personally,I’m on the fence.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
My dog got castrated and he suddenly stopped barking at the neighbours's dog.
I think he just doesn't have the balls to do it anymore.
Lorraine finally leaves her husband Dave. His open flirting with the new neighbour Deidre, is the last straw..
Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",
" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."
Why did the German mail man deliver an envelope to the Polish neighbour?
Because he was in Reichweite
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.
I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
I asked my Indian neighbour if I could borrow some bread...
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I told my wife that our neighbour had died. ‘Who, Ray?’ she said.
I didn’t think her cheering was appropriate.
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
My neighbour with big boobs was gardening topless in their yard again...
I just wish his wife would come out with him
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.
We have....a lot in common.
So i stole my neighbours solar panel
After a bit of arguing and me joking around
And he said I think you're making light of the situation
I accidentally broke my neighbour’s fence, so I apologized and got it fixed.
I said, “Sorry about the repost.”
The neighbour's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbours have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.
I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"
My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone I’ve ever known.
Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.
The neighbour's sheep failed to break into the grain shed.
There was no battering ram.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos
When will they stop stereotyping
My bloody neighbour was knocking on my door at 2am !!
Luckily I was still up playing my drums.
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, “Repent! The End is nigh!”
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
My neighbours kid has been learning Spanish during lockdown.
He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.
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