KISS just moved next door and they're the worst neighbours ever!
All they do is rock n roll all night and party every day!
My gf complained about our loud neighbours
Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out
Gf: what kind of logic is that?
Me: Sound logic
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.
Personally,I’m on the fence.
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Lorraine finally leaves her husband Dave. His open flirting with the new neighbour Deidre, is the last straw..
Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",
" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."
Why did the German mail man deliver an envelope to the Polish neighbour?
Because he was in Reichweite
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
My dog got castrated and he suddenly stopped barking at the neighbours's dog.
I think he just doesn't have the balls to do it anymore.
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.
I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, “Repent! The End is nigh!”
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
I asked my Indian neighbour if I could borrow some bread...
I told my wife that our neighbour had died. ‘Who, Ray?’ she said.
I didn’t think her cheering was appropriate.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
So i stole my neighbours solar panel
After a bit of arguing and me joking around
And he said I think you're making light of the situation
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
I accidentally broke my neighbour’s fence, so I apologized and got it fixed.
I said, “Sorry about the repost.”
My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.
I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"
My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone I’ve ever known.
Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.
My neighbour with big boobs was gardening topless in their yard again...
I just wish his wife would come out with him
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.
We have....a lot in common.
The neighbour's sheep failed to break into the grain shed.
There was no battering ram.
My bloody neighbour was knocking on my door at 2am !!
Luckily I was still up playing my drums.
The neighbour's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbours have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos
When will they stop stereotyping
Neighbours outside just had a reveal party. From all the hooting and hollering after the balloon pop...
I can report that they are having an owl
My neighbour writes poems.
He said to me "what rhymes with orange?"
I said "No it doesn't",
My next door neighbour told me that every morning when he measures his allotment, it is a couple of inches smaller than the day before.
I think he is slowly losing the plot...
When we moved into my new house, our next door neighbour presented us with a bunch of logs for our fireplace.
It was ...a house warming gift.
My neighbour put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow in his field, and it is terrifying my kids.
They must be claw straw phobic.
My leprechaun neighbour asked me to babysit his son
My neighbour, who was a very nice guy, passed away yesterday.
My neighbour came over to ask if I'd help him drain pasta at the weekend.
I told him I'd have to check my colander.
Caught my wife going through the neighbours bins...
She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!
A neighbour of mine is always in A&E with concussion,
lives just a stone's throw from me
Owner: The neighbours say you’ve been chasing people on bicycles!
Dog: They’re lying, I don’t even have a bicycle! 🐕 🚲
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
My next door neighbour has just bought an Audi, a Toyota and a 2 BMWs.
I think he’s got that car owner virus.
My neighbours bought me a Rolex for my birthday
I dont think they understood when I said " I wanna watch".
My local priest said he couldn't make it to dinner. He was busy exorcising our neighbours demons.
That's really nice of him. It's important that her demons stay healthy.
What’s the difference between my stupid neighbour and an alarm clock?
Alarm clock screams before I punch it
My neighbour lends people money, but refuses to take on partners or associates.
He's a lone-wolf loan-shark.
My neighbours kid has been learning Spanish during lockdown.
He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.
My wife is furious at our nextdoor neighbour that sunbathes topless....
Personally I'm on the fence
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathers topless in her backyard.
Personally, I'm on the fence.
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