I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
My next door neighbor and I are very good friends, so we decided to share our water supply, because..
Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?
After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.
My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour
I saw it through my telescope last night
My neighbor asked me if I recognized the mini statues in my front graden...
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
I saw my neighbor leave her house to get bread...
A few months later, she came back and there was a bun in her oven.
My neighbor thinks I spy on her.
I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now.
My neighbors had their ladder stolen last night.
A neighbor asked to borrow my step-ladder...
Me: Sure! Here, it's in my garage.
My Neighbor: That's not a step-ladder.
Me: Yes, it is. My wife brought it from her previous marriage.
I’ve always wanted to tap my neighbors’ maple tree, but he wouldn’t give me permission.
Think I could do it syruptitiously?
My neighbor, Mr. Coffee, came stumbling into the police station this morning.
Apparently, he had been mugged.
I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun
He said "I'm going to choo choo"
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.
My neighbor wanted to borrow some spaghetti and asked what they owed me
I said: it'll cost you a pretty penne.
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...
But it was his own dumb asphalt...
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
I saw one of my neighbors throwing their trash into another neighbor's trashcan
I told him to stop trash passing.
My neighbor just asked what I do with “left over” bacon.
I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but I’ve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?
Back in 56' my neighbor was arrested for supporting the USSR...
The officials said it was "a big red flag".
My neighbor says I’m trespassing. I’m unsure if I am or not.
Our neighbor was attacked by mimes yesterday
They did unspeakable things
I was talking to my neighbor's wife and she told me that her dog had bit her husband, so they had to put him down.
Then she asked if I could take out the trash weekly.
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighbor’s attention.
He must’ve been at deaf’s door.
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
My neighbor just got arrested for illegally growing Marijuana.
Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
Dad : Oh no! Our neighbor died!
Mom : Who, Ray?
Dad : I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen
I saw my neighbor talking to her cat this morning...
It was clear she thought the cat understood her.
I came inside and told my dog. We had a good laugh about that.
I think my Australian neighbor is into philosophy
He keeps saying ''Oi, Kant''
My neighbor drones on and on about his notoriously unreliable Swedish sports car...
It seems like a great big Saab story to me.
What did a tree say to its annoying neighbor?
If Dwayne Johnson had downstairs neighbors, they would be clueless about just about everything.
You would be too if you lived under a Rock.
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
My neighbor got hit by a rental car.
My neighbor is an epileptic midget who really loves pizza.
Seems like everyday he’s having little seizures.
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
My neighbor is playing very loud music
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....
But yesterday it was All Night Long
My neighbor asked why i bought a new lawn mower...
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
The police were not convinced that my neighbor had hidden plastic explosives in his basement, so I told them...
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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