Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
Burt: Ernie, should we go out for ice cream?
Ernie: Sherbert
EDIT: Wow, I'm amazed at the upvotes.. Totally made my day. I came up with this yesterday while staring at bees pollinating our flowers. Random.
My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer ?
I told her no. I ate it on the couch.
How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
I have a friend named Banana. The other day we was robbing an ice cream store when the cops showed up.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What do you call someone who sells their body for Wendy’s ice cream?
I dropped some ice making drinks today...
Kicking the ice under the fridge my wife gave me a dirty look...
"Can you forgive me?" I ask.
"Of course" she replies
"Well, I guess thats water under the Fridge then..."
Did you hear about the ice that got tickled and only partially melted?
It’s snow laughing matter.
I just threw ice at a criminal and got him arrested
A woman checks out of target with two apples, a banana, and a quart of ice cream. The cashier asks, “Are you single?” The woman replies, “Yes, how could you tell?”
How do you call ice that makes a lot of noise?
My friend Bert asked me for some ice cream
Papa Mai Ice Cream Khaa lun?
Nahi Khaa lun, chalo ghar.
I’ve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!
If you ask me, they’re cheapskates.
What is a time travelers favorite ice cream?
Why does it suck to work at an ice cream shop?
Cause it’s always sprinkling
Why couldn’t the colour blind man sell ice cream?
What is Homer Simpsons favorite ice cream?
Did you know people without feet cannot eat ice cream?
They are lack toes intolerant.
Why wouldn't the Army cook ever serve cake, ice cream or pies?
He was afraid of being charged with dessert-tion.
If an ice-cream franchise can't pay its power bills...
I guess it will go into liquidation
My wife was furious at me for kicking ice-cubes all over the kitchen...
But now it’s just water under the fridge...
Why didn't the hipster like his ice-cream?
I saw an ice cream holder made of polymerized siloxanes at the store today
But I thought "that's just a silly cone"
What would you call a sword made of ice?
What do I do when my ice house falls apart?
Igloo it back together again.
Drinking ice coffee in coronatine
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
Did you hear about the new tool they use for ice farming?
It's called an ice-sickle
My kid asked today where I learned to make ice-cream
I answered 'in sundae school', he laugh-snorted, my wife gave me the look we all know here.
What do you call a juice with no ice in it?
How much money do professional ice skaters make in a year?
Eight figures but unfortunately they can't access it because their accounts are frozen.
The head of Big Cat Rescue and the female antagonist in the hit Netflix documentary has been arrested after holding up an ice cream shop.
Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.
Eating green ice cream together
Dad: hey, you wanna try some of this ice cream, it's green.
10 y/o Daughter: eww, is that booger flavor?
Dad: no, it's not
What's a vampire's favorite ice-cream flavor?
Sad story about the Native American that drank 37 glasses of ice tea. The next morning they found him dead...
Face down in his tea pee.
Do you want an ice water, a nice water, or an eye swatter?
I used to get irrationally angry at ice cubes and throw them onto the floor.
But now that's all just water under the fridge.
My 4yo daughter was playing ice cream shop, pretending that little pieces of chalk were the ice cream flavors. She asked me what flavor I wanted
Let’s start this off by breaking the ice. It’s a slippery subject, but I know we can crack it!
What does an Eskimo get when sitting on the ice too long?
At first my wife was upset at me for spilling some ice in the kitchen
But I explained to her that it was just water under the fridge now.
I learned how to make ice cream the other day.
I guess that time at sundae school paid off...
I thought about buying an ice cream truck and starting up my own business
But I heard the ice cream market is a rocky road
What do cats put in their ice tea?
I was sacked from the ice cream factory today
Just because I refused to work on a Sundae!
My son just played "Don't Break The Ice" by himself with two hammers and exclaimed "I won!"
To which I replied "but on the other hand, you lost"
I stared at an ice cube
It was a pretty cool view.
A polar bear and his son are sitting on the ice
The son looks up at his dad and says, "Hey, dad? Am I a 100% polar bear?"
The dad says, "Yes, son."
A few minutes go by and the son again asks, "You sure? Like all the way?"
The dad gets annoyed and says, "Yes, 100%. Your mothers a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, so you're a polar bear. Why do you keep asking?!"
The son responds, "Cause I'm frickin freezing!"
What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?
Vanilla Ice had a meltdown the other day.
Now he goes by vanilla puddle.
Did you hear about the shop around the corner that sells Indian ice cream?
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
I stole and tried to melt an ice sculpture
When the police kicked in my door they yelled: FREEZE!
What kind of ice cream do you have after you f*cked your wife too hard?
Ice is such a hard thing to study
Its such a slippery element to grasp
Under a post on r/BattleForDreamIsland about Ice Cube
I can melt an ice cube using the power of my mind
It takes quite a while though.
I was walking down the street, and a man threw cheese, milk, and ice cream at me.
Kids: Hey dad, Don Lemon is interviewing Ice-T on TV!
Dad: Half Lemon, half Ice-T? Why didn't you just save time and say it was Arnold Palmer?
What do Dads say when they fart eating ice cream?
Oops...that's just a little dairy air.
A man and a gorilla walked into a bar. The man told the bartender to bring the gorilla ice. The bartender said "Ice? Nothing else?"
The man said: "Yes. Just ice for harambe."
Ice Cube ain't playing around!
Just-ice is a dish best served cold
Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought to myself, “The streets seem strangely desserted…”
My wife was mad at me for kicking ice cubes under the refrigerator,
but now it's just water under the fridge.
What did Ernie say when Bert asked him for some ice cream?
What do Eskimos get when sitting on the ice for too long?
My wife was livid when I dropped some ice and it went under the refrigerator.
It's just water under the fridge now.
My wife got mad at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it’s all water under the fridge.
Where did you learn to make ice cream?
Why are you eating ice cream?
My wife got mad at me for kicking ice cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it's all water under the fridge.
Where can you learn to make the best ice cream?
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
Where did you learn to make ice cream?
What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?
Where did you learn to make ice cream?
What does an Eskimo get if he sits on the ice for too long? …
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