I like German sausage, but its puns are the wurst.
Don't be bitter about dank puns. Danke. Bitte.
I don't get it (Puns Daily calendar)
Its punning on a whole new level.
Pun enters room, kills 10 people. Pun in, ten dead. GET IT, PUN IN TEN DEAD
Southwest steps up its pun game
I met a girl on Reddit and it ended in Pokemon puns
A few days ago I met a really cool girl on Reddit and then this happened. I asked and she is ok with me sharing it.
Puns here: https://imgur.com/a/8BOsNgn
Forgive my spelling but it was like 6am
I certainly soap you like it.
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
I can’t believe it’s not butter!
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
... and as you can see, they were Wright
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
From r/askreddit's thread "If your sex life was a country, what country would it be and why?"
It’s funny cause it’s true.
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
No no it’s not sbread that’s the stuff you put on the bread.
Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
If you had a Tesla and it got stolen...
Would it now be an Edison?
What do Mexicans eat when it's cold out?
Gonna milk this one for all its worth
All my hispanic friends love it when I say “mucho.”
It's a 5-minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 35-minute walk from the pub to my house
The difference is staggering
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...
Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
Lol (Got it from r/memes)
Got a lot of it in quarantine
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s...
You're damn right it will
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama?
Because you don’t turn your back on family.
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
This isn’t just gross - it’s fucking fowl
Moldova named the biggest mall in its capital malldova
I've been using my new U2 navigation system this week and it's the worst...
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!
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