How much canned dog food should you feed to your dog?
I know a man who makes horse feed while his child polishes shoes
He makes hay while the son shines.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What does Baby Yoda feed his plants?
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for the day.
If you give a man a poisoned fish, you feed him for his lifetime.
My girlfriend asked me to feed her anaconda hotdogs while she is out of town. I did, but it wouldn’t touch them. Confused, I called her and asked why
She said: “My anaconda don’t want none unless it has buns, hun”
What do you call medical professionals who don't feed their patients after an overnight stay in the hospital?
Doctors without boarders.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.
That’s why it’s called a “Pandemic”.
I saw a post in my feed about avoiding procrastination
Consecutive balls in my Reddit feed
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it
But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!
I stopped at the bakery on my way to the park to feed the pigeons and a couple of them died!
I killed two birds with one scone.
I went to a museum to feed the animals
but they were all stuffed.
I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.
Maybe I should quit while I’m a head.
How many sisters does it take to feed an Italian family?
None, that’s the pasta’s job.
Where do chickens prefer to eat their feed?
What does Lightning McQueen feed his cat?
What do you get if you feed Whisky to hens?
My friend said. “I am late. I have to go and feed my baby hamsters.”
I said, “ Are you sure your baby would like it?”
Found this on my Facebook feed
My wife got really mad at me earlier when I tried to force feed our young son...
"Just use a spoon!" she said. "You're not a Jedi!"
Give a man a duck, you'll feed him for a day.
Teach a man to duck, he'll never hit his head again.
I used to be obsessed with the idea of playing football with random items of clothing. However, after stealing from a nun's wardrobe to feed my addiction, I soon saw the error of my ways.
It was a difficult habit to kick.
I asked my wife what to feed to the horses this afternoon.
She told me, “Honey, lunches of oats.”
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day
Smack him across the face with the fish and he'll stop annoying you forever
What do you get when you feed a frog a mushroom?
I met a farmer who exclusively feeds his cows marijuana.
The steaks have never been higher.
I'm sorry. I don't often do steak puns. It's a medium rarely done well. 😏
A pod of porpoises moved into the harbor near my town. So, me and my friends decided to go camping on the beach to check it out. We brought beer for us and some raw fish to feed the pod. Everybody had a great time. You could say it was a party
for all in tents and porpoises.
Why don't you feed Russians after midnight?
Please, don’t feed the Birds
My Yik Yak feed delivers
http://i.imgur.com/LT5FoFE.png
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
A co-worker told be that seagulls will explode if you feed them Akka-seltzer
I told him he’s just gullible.
What do you call a large group of ears that live feed or migrate together
Math teacher: If you're a family of 5 and your mom only has 3 potatoes, how would she feed everyone?
Johnny: She'll mash them.
Did you hear that the chicken feed store is having a sale?
All items are a buck-buck-buckOFF
My social media news feed keeps showing a former vice president dancing to a beat...
... It must be Facebook's Al Gore rhythms.
Did you know it’s cheaper to just not feed the goldfish ?
My daughter was trying to feed her baby, but she wasn't having any of it and wouldn't eat any of her dinner...
"Try the Airplane." I said.
"Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980's but that's not important right now..."
What kind of baby food do pirates feed their babies?
What's the easiest animal to feed?
Giraffes because a little goes a long way.
Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day ...
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!
My son was refusing to eat dinner, so I tried to force feed him.
My wife said, “Use the fricking spoon. You are not a Jedi.”
How do Jedi parents feed their children?
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