Whats another word for toll booths?

Bill Gates

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What is the similarity between toll booths and Microsoft?

They are both basically Bill Gates.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anti_Thot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Pay the toll
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Cate
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Ask not for whom the babybel tolls

It tolls for brie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xarlax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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"Skipping the toll"x-post /r/watchthingsfly old.reddit.com/r/watchthi…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EsteamPhenomena
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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My friend said his job really takes a toll on his mood

I asked what his job was

He said β€œSoda pressing”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowPan69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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Since we park on the driveway, drive on the parkway, and pay tolls on the freeway, doesn't it seem a bit risky to shop at Safeway?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Me: If you take the 407 toll road it'll cost you to thirty bucks. Grandma: thirty bucks?! That's highway robbery!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paddlescab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Toll roads should have been called feeways
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangerman008
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, and ploughed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces.

He didn’t want to get in trouble s o he stopped his truck got out and started to pick up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then he began fitting the pieces together. In less than 10 minutes, he had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. The toll manager came up to him, impressed and said, β€œWow you fixed that fast! What was that stuff you used to stick all the pieces together?”
β€œOh”, said the man, β€œjust a bit of Tollgate booth pasteβ€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
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Inflation has really taken its toll..

Rapper 51 Cent got the bad end of the deal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacPG
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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My friends dad called a toll free number and he proceeded to do the most dadjoke thing ever...

"an answering machine just told my dad "you want to speak to a representative, correct? please say yes or no." and with a totally straight face he goes 'yes or no' "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DANNYBOYLOVER
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2016
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For Whom the Bell Tolls

Pops recently got a new touchdown bell after breaking his getting far too excited over a football game. I came home from work the other day and before I can fully get through the door he rings the bell in my face, looks dead at me and says, "You are for whom it tolls."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashleynm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Doesn’t ring a bell...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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A company with travelling salespeople had an accounting procedure...

There with a company with a lot of travelling salespeople, and they had an accounting procedure that was somewhat unusual. Since the salespeople were driving around a lot, they had to pay a lot of highway tolls. They would get reimbursed for this. Since these expenses were so common, and different from other expenses, they had a series of ceramic tiles that represented the amount of money they paid to take these highways. At the end of the day, after travelling their routes, they would come back and put them in the cash register and take money out to reimburse themselves. But the highways all raised their rates, and so the salespeople would come back with hands full of their tiles. So one Friday, after raised rates and very busy travel, the boss came in to look at the receptionist and her overloaded cash register. He asked her what was going on, and she said:

"The tall tiles in the till tell a tale of tall tolls"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glowing-fishSCL
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Did you hear about the aggressive Bell Ringer?

He tolled everyone off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crow930
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I just got hired to work a booth on the highway.

They say this job really takes a toll

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I’m tired of spending money on highway booths during long drives.

It really takes its toll on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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My father was a great wood worker,

until the termites really took their toll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamsD351GN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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I once worked at a place where I had to use a pay-to-cross bridge 10 times a day...

That took a toll!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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I don’t like driving on highways or bridges,

It really takes a toll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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What's the difference between a baby frog and a moths rent?

One's a tadpole, and the other is a pad toll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlloiJavex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Bells are really obedient objects.

They only sound off when they are tolled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gravydae420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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What do you call a race between a bunch of IRS workers?

A taxer-Derby.

Boy, these jokes are really taking a toll on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ratfrk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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My girlfriend has been getting really involved in her job as a border patrol officer lately

It has really put a toll in our relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeanj8021
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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Oh deer!

This morning officers from Oakland stopped a doe for toll evasion, on the Bay Bridge. She said she usually pays it, but today it was a buck short.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinceidon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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It costs around $7 to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, regardless of whether you're a commuter or a tourist.

It takes a toll on everybody.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/original_evanator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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The story of my friend Sam

HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldn’t stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. β€œTim”, he said, β€œYou have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heaven”. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didn’t know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasn’t surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldn’t be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didn’t want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dendari
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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Expecting my first in June. Working on my dad joke game...

My wife and I are driving on I-90 in Maine. We come to a toll and she says, "Can you believe that toll is $3???" To which I replied "It's highway robbery!"

She groaned...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryinzana
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2015
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A 5th grader gets it.

I work at an elementary school and a 5th grader has been calling me Mr. Tall since 1st grade. I'm only 6 feet 3. He got me with this one today.

He said as I randomly walked down the hall, "hey Mr. Tall, you must have to use the Toll Free Lane on the highway."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paustulio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2016
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Headed to Orlando, and my buddy got me with a good one.

In Florida, we have what's called the Sunpass to get through the tolls without pay lanes.

Me: "yo, you should probably get out your Sunpass if we're taking the turnpike."

Friend: "I don't think I need to, the sign said it's a freeway."

Well played.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slammasam2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
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My old friend's dad's goof on early 80's politics will take your heart hostage.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver β€œThis guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUpInMyRizznus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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Who called it toll booths instead of bill gates?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abishiekh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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