I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.

I got a text from my mobile provider saying I’d exceeded my monthly Data allowance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How much canned dog food should you feed to your dog?

About a canidae.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whind_Soull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I know a man who makes horse feed while his child polishes shoes

He makes hay while the son shines.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flaky_Explanation
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.

The steaks will be too high for sure.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Negative_Integer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for the day.

If you give a man a poisoned fish, you feed him for his lifetime.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeaconOnAChairMC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Baby Yoda feed his plants?

Miracle Grogu

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SD18491
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call medical professionals who don't feed their patients after an overnight stay in the hospital?

Doctors without boarders.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.

That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cryingcactuso
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.

That’s why it’s called a β€œPandemic”.

πŸ‘︎ 863
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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I saw a post in my feed about avoiding procrastination

"Saved For Later"

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ridsidious
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?

You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/houseme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Consecutive balls in my Reddit feed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmsgars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it

But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I stopped at the bakery on my way to the park to feed the pigeons and a couple of them died!

I killed two birds with one scone.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a museum to feed the animals

but they were all stuffed.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.

Maybe I should quit while I’m a head.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How many sisters does it take to feed an Italian family?

None, that’s the pasta’s job.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Where do chickens prefer to eat their feed?

At a chicknic table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Lightning McQueen feed his cat?

Cat-chow!!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/casybaseball
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend said. β€œI am late. I have to go and feed my baby hamsters.”

I said, β€œ Are you sure your baby would like it?”

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you feed Whisky to hens?

Scotch eggs

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife got really mad at me earlier when I tried to force feed our young son...

"Just use a spoon!" she said. "You're not a Jedi!"

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Found this on my Facebook feed
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haiden02
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Give a man a duck, you'll feed him for a day.

Teach a man to duck, he'll never hit his head again.

πŸ‘︎ 522
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Supernovaload
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to be obsessed with the idea of playing football with random items of clothing. However, after stealing from a nun's wardrobe to feed my addiction, I soon saw the error of my ways.

It was a difficult habit to kick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T-posing_Jesus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife what to feed to the horses this afternoon.

She told me, β€œHoney, lunches of oats.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/richrashjr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day

Smack him across the face with the fish and he'll stop annoying you forever

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABitOfALuddite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a farmer who exclusively feeds his cows marijuana.

The steaks have never been higher.

I'm sorry. I don't often do steak puns. It's a medium rarely done well. 😏

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4Big2Head0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you feed a frog a mushroom?

Toadstool

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Science_Geek_101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A pod of porpoises moved into the harbor near my town. So, me and my friends decided to go camping on the beach to check it out. We brought beer for us and some raw fish to feed the pod. Everybody had a great time. You could say it was a party

for all in tents and porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't you feed Russians after midnight?

They turn into kremlins.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weggy2015
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My Yik Yak feed delivers

http://i.imgur.com/LT5FoFE.png

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danididdle23
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
🚨︎ report
Please, don’t feed the Birds
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syllogism19
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.

I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 435
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
A co-worker told be that seagulls will explode if you feed them Akka-seltzer

I told him he’s just gullible.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewGlinski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large group of ears that live feed or migrate together

A herd

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdccarter06
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjoke on my feed the other day... imgur.com/SnMZITF
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clambake42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Math teacher: If you're a family of 5 and your mom only has 3 potatoes, how would she feed everyone?

Johnny: She'll mash them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the chicken feed store is having a sale?

All items are a buck-buck-buckOFF

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My social media news feed keeps showing a former vice president dancing to a beat...

... It must be Facebook's Al Gore rhythms.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kitjen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter was trying to feed her baby, but she wasn't having any of it and wouldn't eat any of her dinner...

"Try the Airplane." I said.

"Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980's but that's not important right now..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you know it’s cheaper to just not feed the goldfish ?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juicymember
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the easiest animal to feed?

Giraffes because a little goes a long way.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punaccomplished
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of baby food do pirates feed their babies?

Gerrrrr Berrrrr

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Stuman
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day ...

Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!

πŸ‘︎ 945
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wi11Pow3r
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My son was refusing to eat dinner, so I tried to force feed him.

My wife said, β€œUse the fricking spoon. You are not a Jedi.”

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How do Jedi parents feed their children?

They force feed them.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyler_Kurgan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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