...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
I had a Koala tea time.
I am now in hospital, waiting to be seen.
The Opportunist.
Now he speaks with a strange Axe scent.
I said, "I'd drink to anything."
They drowned in there tipi
If only you could see me now
Call it a gut feeling.
Nearly drowned in his own teepee
That night, he drowned in his teepee.
Barq’s on the moon.
Now it is dry ice
It stopped me from streaking.
He didn’t like it. I told him he should drink two cups of tea before he drinks a beer, because two teas make beer better.
A warmster
Dairy = dare he
Face down in his tea pee.
He almost drowned in his T-Pee
He was in the living room.
I dyed a little on the inside...then I blue chunks
He went from the ladle to the grave.
The doctor says I'm okay
But inside I'm dyeing
I’m about to start a religious movement.
I raised my fourth cup and said “Bone atrophy!”
And now I’m bloated from all the cowlories.
It was out last resort.
That was some weird al cohol
Thyme kept on sipping...sipping..sipping..into the future..
Probably won't have it again. It was just a novelty
I was raised in a Foster family.
His name was Rosè Prosecco.
My dad told me to get help because I was an aquaholic.
They found him the next morning, drowned in his own teepee.
I think I dyed inside.
The doctor says I'll be fine, but it feels like I dyed a little on the inside.
He burped 7up.
I feel like I dyed a little inside.
