I’m about to share a joke that’ll turn r/dadjokes upside down

sǝʞoɾpɐp/ɹ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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A proud dad sits down to have a drink with his father.

"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."

"Dad you don't mean-"

"Yes son ,i do" Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition

"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Setsunai___
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?

You get a flat minor

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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How do you fall down the stairs?

Step 1 Step 2 Step 3

Step 6

Step 11

Step 16 Floor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jg4888
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What do you call a strip club where everything is upside down?

Stranger Thongs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?

To get to the bottom...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiden93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Doctor: Calm down, David. This is a very simple procedure.

Me: I’m not David.

Doctor: I know. I’m David.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.

After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"

Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarfbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DementedOak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?

Go for the juggler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru9224
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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My wife has eaten that much during lock down...

....that she's started getting a tan off the frigging fridge light.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.

There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren't moving

I told him it's because they are stationary

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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A magician was walking down the street

Then he turned into a shop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/db720
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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Technically speaking aren't all out genes hand me downs?

Ba dun dun PSHHH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thephotodojoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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A Norwegian fell down a canyon.

It was a Fjordian slip.

πŸ’πŸ“πŸ’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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A man is preparing to cut down a tree in the forest.

The tree says, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The man replies, "You're going to dialogue."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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Our local fire station burnt down today.

Apparently, somebody left the irony on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I fell at work and cracked my tailbone. Now I can’t sit down and I have to listen to everyone’s wise cracks..

All in all it’s been a real pain in the ass!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicholasMirth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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I was outside, laying down, at night, admiring the stars and the moon

Then it dawned on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pineappleninja91
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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The prosthetics store down the street ran out of stock...

Things are really getting out of hand...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vin135mm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills

Those were goodyears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotblake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Let’s sit down and....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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I swear, I put it down right over there!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoseChavezyChavez
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Sometimes I squat down, hold my knees to my chest, and lean forward

Because that’s how I roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cleverless
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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A farmer attempted to tow a load of manure down the interstate at 5 pm. Of course, it caused a crash and traffic jam...

I can't believe he tried to pull this shit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,

I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Training-Brick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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My tree was cut down for paper

RIP

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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That explains why he tried to mow down little Anakin
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πŸ‘€︎ u/p13art
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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What do you call a waterfall that goes up instead of down ?

Viagra Falls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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What did the electrician say to calm down?

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TechnoGamer16
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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Why did Gwen Stefani turn down a job as a bagger at the local Jewish bakery?

She ain’t no challah bag-girl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjorgypjorg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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I asked an Australian kid what’s a clever comeback down under. He said...

Ok, boomerang.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..

Auntie climb attic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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I wrote down all of the things my wife wants me to buy from the produce section at the grocery store...

It was my honeydew list.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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Why do weighted blankets calm you down?

Because compression is the opposite of tension!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andnat12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Did you hear about the lumberjack who cut down the wrong trees ?

He forgot his chopping list.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.

Because it’s capsized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...

He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.

I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.

But it was arson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I was walking down the street and ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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My brother stumbled and fell down the stairs

It wasn't a pleasant trip.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Two pretzels are walking down the street

When one is suddenly assaulted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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What do you call a dinosaur that’s in pain after sitting down for too long?

A Sore arse-saurus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Music_Phasic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, but my roommate used the paper to roll up his joint

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report

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