Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.

Because it’s capsized.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 851
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.

I couldn't sway him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2021
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A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.

For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HunainT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
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First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.

So it can lift me up and make my day better.

I tried to OC.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. β€œYou need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. β€œDo you mow the whole yard in one direction.”

β€œWhy?” she asked.

β€œBecause that’s what makes it beautiful.”

Oh, the eye roll on this kid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
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Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.

They loved chalk lit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Baldeagle77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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How long does it take to chop down a tree in Japan?

One Okinawa.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stupidsexyf1anders
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2020
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What do you call it when a bowler knocks down all the pins in a practice frame?

A preemptive strike.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DavideoandPhoto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2020
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If you chop down a tree in the forest, but it doesn't understand why you cut it down

Do you think its stumped

πŸ‘οΈŽ 126
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LtLama1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2019
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I stood up in the middle of a meeting to fix the time on the clock. My boss told me sit down and do it later. I said...

β€œI guess it’s probably the wrong time.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/devin23b
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
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When my father died, in his will he gave me his toupee. He said it has been passed down for generations in our family.

It's a family hair-loom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2019
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My hair flowed down my back when I was in my 20’s and I’m not bragging when I tell you it still does

Because it starts from below my collar now

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2019
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Whenever I encountered one of life's little traumas, my Dad would take me to one side and say "it could be worse - you could be submerged in water twenty foot down a dark shaft"

Bless him - He meant well

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scobberlotcherz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2019
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One time my cat chased down a drone and brought it to me. The drone's owner accused me of theft. In my defense, I said it wasn't stolen...

...it was purr-chased

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrLazyTiger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2018
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Two peanuts were waking down the street, one was wrapped in its shell

The other was a salted..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ItsBenjiiii
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2019
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I was reading a horror story in braille, but I had to put it down

I felt something bad was going to happen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2019
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Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes

that way I always start the new year off on the right foot

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/underwatercardreams
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2018
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A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, β€œWhat are you doing climbing my tree?” β€œWell, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.

β€œYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”

β€œWell I brought my own pears.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2018
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After hearing so much about it, I finally sat down in front of a ream of printer paper

I still don’t get what’s so great about paper view.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThreeRandomWords-843
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2019
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After Microsoft's A.I. "Tay" became hateful/bigoted, Microsoft shut it down and took measures to avoid such scandals again in the future.

Hopefully, their future robots and A.I. will be more PC.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aahelo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2019
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Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/questionall101
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2018
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If you dig a hole 60ft down, and poop in it, that's some deep shit.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RobotWizard055
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2015
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In what African country is it impossible to sit down for a restaurant meal?

Togo.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2018
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My wife and I saw a guy riding down the road with a skeleton in the car. She joked it was so he could use the HOV lane...

I said that can't be right because he still doesn't have any body with him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaRoc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2017
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When guys miss the toilet bowl and I sit down in it...

It really pisses me off!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/heinst
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2017
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Does anyone remember that trend where people would lie face down in random places? I want to sketch someone doing that, but I can't remember what it was called.

I'm drawing a plank.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MSeltz
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2015
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TIL: If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head.

Because it is capsized.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 860
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2019
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TIL: If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.

Because it’s capsized.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 217
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2019
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If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head.

Because it is capsized.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 238
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2019
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