Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect
What do you call a prostitute that works the crows nest on a pirate ship?
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
Why won't the bird defense attorney speak to more than one crow at a time?
Because anything more than one is murder.
Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problems with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about eating the mother of two.
But upon further consideration he was gladiator.
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
I saw a group of crows hanging out at the dump
It was a murder most fowl!
What does a crow with a jersey accent say to the man about to step into traffic?
The governor banned gatherings of more than eighteen crows.
They’re supposed to isolate themselves from corvid nineteen.
It’s not the fear that keeps the crows away... it’s the puns.
Saw a bunch of crows wash up on the beach
Must've been murder suicide
Why was the crow not at the top of his class?
"The crow seemed to be calling his name", thought Kaw
A crow flies up to a woman on the street.
Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?
Woman: Why should I?
Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW
Woman: What does that even mean?
Crow: Its four a good caws
What do you call it when a bunch of crows accidentally show up to the same place at the same time?
A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.
They were all arrested for third-degree murder.
I was wondering why the collective noun is "a murder of crows".
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
A guy tried to tell me the difference between a crow and a raven is that a crow’s call is “caw” and a raven’s call is “nevermore.”
He was a Poe source of information.
Did you know before the invention of the crow bar...
That crows had to do all their drinking at home.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away
They always resort to straw man arguments
Thousands of crows were driving south for the winter
Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid tail feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16? The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
Why did the tailor pounced on a crow sitting on a well?
What happened to the crows that unsuccessfully tried to form a flock? [OC]
They were charged with attempted murder.
I dropped a box of donuts in the parking lots and all the crows are eying them greedily...
Why don’t you ever see crows dead on the side of the road?
They always have a buddy to scream “car, car!”
(An actual joke my dad told)
An old sailor fell from the crows nest.
An old sailor fell from the crows nest onto the deck. He survived. He was used to hardships.
Why did the crows' psychiatrist get sent to jail?
Because he committed a murder!
Once considered to be holding funerals near a dead crow, now evidence indicates that crows may be examining the body and surrounding area for potential threats to the flock.
It's a murder investigation.
Did you hear about the guy who killed his domesticated crows?
It really was a murder most fowl
"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked my son. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." I answered.
I continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."
Police are trying to confirm that a big group of crows killed a man in the park yesterday.
They've opened a murder investigation.
What crime were the gaggle of crows in jail for?
The crows all sounded like they sensed trouble
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows in the Greater Boston area recently.
There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.
The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"
Arrived home from a weekend trip to find a dead crow in the back yard.
Wife: What is that?
Me: A dead crow.
Wife: What! How did it get there? How did it die?
Me: Well, I just see one, so I don't think it was a murder.....
A group of ravens chased individual crows until the crows were cornered together
In other words, a conspiracy of ravens premeditated a murder of crows.
The science of crows
At breakfast this morning:
Dad: I was reading New Scientist, and they were looking into how crows can survive swooping in front of vehicles. Apparently they use a sentry, while another swoops in to collect the roadkill.
Me: Oh, that's pretty cool
Dad: Yeah, but they don't dodge trucks.
Me: Why's that?
Dad: well, when the sentry see the car it goes "Caaarrr, caaarrr!". But they can't say truck if they see one.
How did the detective find out about the murder of crows?
What's the difference between a Crow and a Raven?
Well you see, a Crow has 4 pinion feathers on their wings while a Raven has only 3. So really, it's just a matter of a pinion.
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