Iโve just been charged for using sandpaper to kill my victim.
I only wanted to rough him up a bit.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.
The police think it's race-related.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
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︎ Sep 05 2020
Why was the eye doctor called for the comatose gunshot victim?
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︎ Mar 04 2021
Why did the Cannibal cut up his victims with an icicle?
He preferred cold cuts on his sandwiches.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
I have one question for victims of ninjas...
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︎ Jan 19 2021
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Officer: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar of antlers
Detective: Dear god
Officer: Yes most likely
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Coffee is the silent victim in our house...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Many French guillotine victims had their heads
๐︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 11 2019
Where do you take someone who has been the victim of a Peek-a-boo accident?
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus
They are called the Flu Flux Fang!
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︎ Oct 28 2020
The victim of accident hasn't got good...
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︎ Aug 01 2020
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
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︎ May 01 2020
[NSFWish] Did you hear about the new eyelid replacement surgery for burn victims?
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
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︎ May 17 2020
Why did the cannibalistic Roman slave warrior show no remorse over his recent female victim?
Because he was gladiator.
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︎ Apr 19 2020
Did you hear about the psychopath who put cyanide in his victim's cornflakes?
They said he was a cereal killer
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︎ May 09 2020
What did the chicken nugget thief say to his victim?
Nothing, he just took the nugget and dipped.
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︎ Jan 28 2020
My 17yo niece fell victim to my 32yo dad/uncle humor.
So my mom, my oldest sister, and her daughter where at mine and my wifeโs house for the weekend.
After having all the lights out so my wife and niece could play with a Ouija board, my niece wanted to make a cup of hot cocoa in the kitchen but she could find the light switch. The following exchange occurred...
Niece: Where is the light in the kitchen?
Me: On the ceiling.
Niece: Ok, but how do you turn it on?
Me: With a light switch.
Niece: Where is the light switch?
Me: On the wall.
Niece: Which wall?
Me: The one with the switch.
Sheโs a good sport tho. We where laughing, she was grinning but definitely done with my uncle shit.
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︎ Feb 02 2020
Heard about the Librarian who fell victim to falling bookshelves?
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︎ Mar 09 2020
Vampires need to stop turning their victims at such a young age.
Help end Premature Draculation.
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︎ Sep 06 2019
A murderer who had poisoned his victims with iron supplements eventually and inadvertantly poisoned himself.
When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not respond to the first before hearing the second. The first reporter asked, "How did the coffee taste that tipped you off into realizing you had poisoned yourself?" Where the second reporter blurted out, "How would you describe this situation where you have killed yourself by the very means you used to kill others?"
The murderous man only responded once before breathing his last breath:
"Irony," he replied.
๐︎ 187
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︎ Feb 09 2019
The cops are warning us about a serial killer who strangles his victims using smaller and smaller T-shirts.
The police are saying that heโs still at large.
๐︎ 25
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︎ Jul 21 2019
What unit of measurement does a serial killer use to weigh its victims ?
๐︎ 8
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︎ Oct 31 2019
"We don't need a fishy super hero!" The land locked victims exclaimed.
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︎ Dec 19 2019
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims...
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︎ Oct 14 2019
When telling dad jokes/puns, do you prefer your victims to laugh or groan?
I personally prefer horrible puns that make the listener regret being born with ears. But thats just me.
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︎ Jan 07 2015
Why do vampires suck blood from their victimโs jugular?
Because they are neck romantic.
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︎ Jul 22 2019
Why did the burglar shower at his victimโs home
He wanted a clean getaway
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︎ May 04 2019
Just found a victim of hit and run in a parking lot. Crime is unbearable.
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︎ Mar 27 2018
How did the ant serial killer cleanly dispose of his victimโs bodies?
He dissolved them in antacid.
Ba-dumโฆ tsss!
๐︎ 5
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︎ May 11 2019
What did the vampire say to the victim?
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︎ Mar 23 2019
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
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︎ Feb 12 2019
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
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︎ Mar 20 2019
As a private investigator, I'm pursuing a con man by tracing his stream of impoverished victims...
Yes, he left a pauper trail.
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︎ Feb 07 2019
What did the polite cannibal say to his victim?
๐︎ 3
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︎ Jan 28 2019
Why does the Grim Reaper ignore the screaming of his victims?
๐︎ 3
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︎ Oct 22 2018
Cop 1: You really think the murderer will come back to visit the body of his victim?
Dad Cop: Remains to be seen.
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︎ Jul 22 2018
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