Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
It gets mugged everyday.
Now she's a small medium at large.
Snap crackle pop
Detective: Dear god
Officer: Yes most likely
They are called the Flu Flux Fang!
The I C U
[Removed]
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
They said he was a cereal killer
Because he was gladiator.
Nothing, he just took the nugget and dipped.
So my mom, my oldest sister, and her daughter where at mine and my wife’s house for the weekend.
After having all the lights out so my wife and niece could play with a Ouija board, my niece wanted to make a cup of hot cocoa in the kitchen but she could find the light switch. The following exchange occurred...
Niece: Where is the light in the kitchen? Me: On the ceiling. Niece: Ok, but how do you turn it on? Me: With a light switch. Niece: Where is the light switch? Me: On the wall. Niece: Which wall? Me: The one with the switch.
She’s a good sport tho. We where laughing, she was grinning but definitely done with my uncle shit.
He literally died
Help end Premature Draculation.
When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not respond to the first before hearing the second. The first reporter asked, "How did the coffee taste that tipped you off into realizing you had poisoned yourself?" Where the second reporter blurted out, "How would you describe this situation where you have killed yourself by the very means you used to kill others?"
The murderous man only responded once before breathing his last breath:
"Irony," he replied.
"I sea," said Aquaman
Kill-o-grams !
The police are saying that he’s still at large.
He's a mad keeler!
Because they are neck romantic.
He wanted a clean getaway
He dissolved them in antacid.
Ba-dum… tsss!
I personally prefer horrible puns that make the listener regret being born with ears. But thats just me.
Don't be O-, B+
His Shoe
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Yes, he left a pauper trail.
It’s nice to meat you!
He's Death
Don’t worry I won’t lay a finger on you but my axe on the other hand will!
Dad Cop: Remains to be seen.
I was trying on some really old pants, and this particular pair of pants were fucking tight. Like, squeeze my soul out tight.
I remarked- " Good god, when did we buy these? 1947? (I usually say this when I'm talking about something old. Independence and whatnot)
And my dad goes " Yeah. Your gramps passed it on to me, and now its yours. That's why they're called Jeans."
My mom got annoyed.
Him: "Nah, I'm not getting sick. It's all in the head. Like allergies. I used to be allergic to pistachios, but now I'm not!" starts eating some pistachios
Me: "Did you really used to be allergic to them?"
Him: "No, of course not. That would be nuts!"
Sorry, this one only works as a picture: http://imgur.com/a/JwNOc
So my mum mentioned that a few light bulbs had blown in the house. She then asked if my dad would pick up some bulbs next time he was out. His reply... " It's a bit early for bulbs... I think March is when you want to plant them..." Just wow, dad.
