I was driving with my dad through a town we hadn't been through.
At a point he turned to me and said "we're near the dead center of this town."
"What makes you think that?"
He points past me and I turn to see a sign for the city cemetery.
What is going through carwash with windows down and dog in back seat?
My daughter came through with a dad joke
Dad, what do you call a dog in the sun?
I don't know, what?
A hot dog!
If you ever find a house with a family of corn, don’t go snooping through their secret files.
Ever since I went through with my sex change operation my kids have been completely ignoring me
It's like I'm transparent.
Do you remember hearing your first dad joke? Is there one that has stuck with you through the years?
Mine was about 20 years ago, I was 17 at the time and going to my gf’s sisters house for dinner with her family. We brought some things to help with dinner. As we’re walking up to the house carrying the cookware, her dad looks back and says, “hey, now that you’re walking the wok, can you talk the talk?”. Not sure why but I’ll never forget that. Still makes me chuckle to this day. What’s yours?
I got caught coming through customs with a large sculpture of Beethoven’s head
The customs officer said it was their biggest bust ever!
With summer almost here ond COVID-19 putting restrictions everywhere, please remember that you can't run through a campground.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
Thor has been really quiet through quarantine. I think he’s staying with his brother.
I was walking through town with my wife one day when she pointed out a man dressed like a tree selling $1 hard-boiled eggs,
She said "What's he doing? Is this normal??? It isn't even Easter".
I said "Oh him? That's Egg-Sell-Ent"
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.
As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y
Why didn’t the skeleton go through with the murder?
It didn’t have the heart to do it.
Did you hear about the guy who drove through the mountain with multiple people in his car?
He had carpool tunnel syndrome.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
At the drive through with my dad
Cashier: that'll be $8.16
Dad: use change
Me: I dont have any change
Dad: that makes no cents
In a conversation with a coworker discussing lunch plans. I exhaled through my nose.
Someone stole my through-hole printed circuit board components and replaced them with surface mount. The police investigated..
I was looking through a book about Big Cats with my son...
Pointing to one with spots I asked, "What's this one?"
"A leopard!" He replied.
"No, it's a cheetah actually. Ypu can tell because the black marks by its eyes make it look like it's crying. Do you know why it was crying?" I asked.
"..."
"Because cheetahs never win!"
I have a fear of driving through tunnels with multiple people in the car
Doc said it's Carpool Tunnel Syndrome
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Driving through farmland with the family, my dad randomly says “Hey look! A whole flock of cows!” My uncle corrects him: “Herd of cows...”
Dad: “Of course I’ve heard of cows! Look! They’re all over the damn place!”
A cannibal was walking through the jungle when he came to a clearing and saw a freshly killed elephant lying down with a pygmy standing on top of it, brandishing a big stick and doing a victory dance.
"Have you just killed that elephant?" asked the cannibal.
"Yes," replied the pygmy, "I did it with my club."
"Wow," replied the cannibal. "You must have a really big club!"
"Yes, there are about forty of us!"
Step 1. Connect with a divine being. Step 2. Allow them to speak through you.
I forgot to bring my see-through ruler to work with me today...
I clearly wasn't thinking straight.
My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldn’t be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.
But I’m just grasping at straws here.
Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks 'A gift for your daughter?'
I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'
She thought that was pretty funny.
What do you call cattle with an arrow through it’s face?
Did you hear scientists recently discovered that we can communicate with cows through body language?
It's all in how you mooooooooooooooooooove.
I like to claim that the Greek Orthodox secretly run the world through its financial networks…For some reason people are ok with that, try putting a different religion in there and suddenly you’re a conspiracy theorist and hate criminal
Those Catholics are real sensitive sometimes
My step mom comin through with the spice girl puns
I'll do algebra, I'll put up with calculus, I'll even push through trigonometry...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
My dad just came through with a good one
I’m at my fathers for Christmas and he just said....
“If your nose is runny and you think it’s funny... it’s snot”
I about died!!!!
Merry Christmas !!
At work my boss said something that offended me. And when he wouldn't retract it, I walked out and I'm never going back, I'm through with that place. You know what he told me !!!
I was walking through the forest with my girlfriend when she asked "how many trees do you think there are?". I stopped, look around, and said:
Why do chicken and tuna choose to be friends with people that are going through puberty?
Because they're pro-teen.
Knew someone who tried to make it through airport security with a cat in their carry-on.
TSA agent asked him, "Sir, are you aware you have a cat in here?"
And he said "Well don't let the cat out of the bag!".
I was walking through a camping shop with my son and I told him to be quiet.
He said, "But why?"
I whispered, "Because there's sleeping bags over there."
There we were, driving through a small southern town with my mom and she says, “Maple, elm, cedar, all these streets are named after trees. I wonder why.”
Then there’s me over here, “I guess tree names were poplar. “
Walking through the store with my wife and 3yo daughter.
My daughter keep reaching for her ankle and saying "ouchy"
Wife: "daughter" do you have something in your boot?
Daughter: "yes mommy, my foot"
Lady next to us heard it all, smiled and laughed while walking away.
Through the darkest hours you've been there for me, working through my mistakes, and you've always been able to provide me with answers.
Made my wife spew her drink through her nose with this joke.
Even though it was snot funny.
I spent the afternoon with my son at the zoo today and when we were walking through the bird area, he asked me, "Why do flamingos always stand with one leg in the air?"
I responded, "Because if they lifted both of them up, they'd fall over!"
Half-way through No Shave November, my wife told me she actually likes the way I look with a beard.
I told her, "Yeah, it's been growing on me."
Walking through a store with my dad....
...We went down an aisle that had some bins in it. He pointed to one and said "Bin there".
He then proceeded to continue pointing to other bins and saying "Bin there too" and laughing to himself.
Pops came through with a classic
Dad- "Hey pass the Dad whip"
Me- "The what?"
Dad- "Oh sorry the cool whip"
Me- "-_-"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
