Did you hear the alcoholic skydiver is feeling unwell

He's coming down with a cold one

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm feeling horrible that I pulled into the sausage store

I took a turn for the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that

Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the archaeologist know that Cleopatra wasn't feeling well?

They found her coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If you are feeling lonely during the Covid lockdown, why not buy some shares?

It’s always nice to have a bit of company.

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do the Japanese say farewell when feeling blue?

Cyanara.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicRat7913
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at the lake, and I had a really bad feeling about the dock.

It was foreboding.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lankyjay16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.

I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the doctor because he has been feeling sick for weeks

The doctor examines him, sprinkles salt and spices on him and just like that, he's cured.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkazen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the moon feeling less popular?

There’s no buzz around it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Jesus was known to be a carpenter, but I've always gotten the feeling that he would make a great attorney.

He was quite the cross-examiner.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/law_daddy_esq
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was feeling a little depressed, and then I saw a clown doing sit-ups across the street.

Funny how things work out.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...

`It was his weather vein.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I bet the scale is feeling a little under the weather
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If you are feeling lonely during the lockdown, try buying a few shares from the financial market.

Then you’ll have a little bit of company.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I have the weirdest feeling...

... that this joke about dΓ©jΓ  vu might be a repost.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the girl catch feelings for the mushroom?

Because he was a pretty fungi

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grizz117
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling cold? Go stand in the corner

It's 90 degrees

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elegant_rose392
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you ever get the feeling of DΓ©jΓ -vu?

Do you ever get the feeling of DΓ©jΓ -vu?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtlantaBoyz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad said the other day, when I was feeling low, 'don't worry it could be worse, you could be in a hole full of water'

I know he means well

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danl66713
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're feeling under the weather, spend a night in a smokehouse.

You'll be cured in no time.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was feeling under the weather when I got my prostate exam. When the heavy set doctor stepped out..

I said... β€œWow, that’s a meaty urologist!” πŸ˜ŽπŸ€“

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling under the weather.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Actual_Cancerrr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are ever feeling like you don’t know your place in the universe, just remember: You and the universe came from the same thing

A Big Bang

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brentobot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œI love the feeling when I can make people open up to me.”

- Mike, 48, surgeon

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomredditor512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day, I tried to get a water feeling reptile that smoked weed back to its home, but it attacked me.

I'm not good with crock pots.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grett_Britters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I found a nickel on the ground today and I have a feeling I’m going to find a penny later.

It’s my sixth sense

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jibbleschmitt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you see a pretty woman and your hands start to shake, you become weak in the knees, and you develop a warm feeling in your chest...

Go to bed. You've got the flu.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m feeling worried about the new year.

I think I have some auld langxiety.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuttiestMcGut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the wrinkled shirt feeling so fatigued?

Because it wasn’t getting enough iron.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling a little low, I decided to peruse the local record shop for a new addition to my music collection.

Drifting down the alphabetised rock section, nothing really appealed to me from A-M. Disappointed, I moved around to the other side of the rack when suddenly I felt uplifted, content and at one with the universe. I had reached Nirvana.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yetanotherrob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The feeling that you've seen something before

Deja view

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jr5575
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the water express its feelings?

Because it was all bottled up.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a very good feeling about my job interview today. The manager said they were looking for somebody responsible.

β€œYou’ve found your man,” I responded, β€œwhenever there was a problem in my last job, they always said that I was responsible!”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunilrai591
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?

Because they keep calling it a dipship

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
The man who has lost his sense of feeling is going mad

He is going out of touch with reality

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said "I'm not feeling well." I walked over, gently grabbed her by the arms and said...

"I don't know what you're talking about- you feel just fine to me."

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What card game touches your feelings the most?

Poke-r.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the alcoholic is feeling unwell?

He's coming down with a cold one

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do the Japanese say farewell when feeling blue?

Cyanara.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicRat7913
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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