I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...
...that's your own asphalt!
DOES ANYONE ELSE FORGET THE ABBREVIATION FOR MAINE?
Did you hear about the guy who repeated the same phrase more times than anyone else ever has?
Sounded like a broken record.
Anyone else here a fan of Fire Emblem? Because I CHROMposed some great puns of one of the main lords!
reddit.com/gallery/jy2d6n
I'm thinking of opening a bar where everyone insults everyone else while moving to the music...
I think my idea of social diss dancing would go over well!
The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.
This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.
Who else wants to see a puppet show, minus the puppets?
Let's see a show of hands..
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
What do you call a person who loves both himself and waffles more than anything else in the world?
Germany is the cleanest city in the world and had to change its name to something else
I guess there’s no Germany more
At the end of a call at my job, I ask if there’s anything else I can help with.
Guy (being bugged by his kids in the background) replies, “Yeah, can I put 9 and 12 year olds in your recycle containers?”
I replied, without skipping a beat, “Oh, no. I’m so sorry, We JUST stopped accepting those ages. We are currently taking 8 and 10 year olds.”
Somebody stopped me the other day in the shopping center and said "oh, sorry, i thought you were someone else" .
The local diner charges Hispanic men less than everyone else.
They call it the señor citizens’ discount.
Someone else made the gravy mistake of posting that photo
Did you know it was against the law to let your long hair to cross over into someone else's property?
Yeah, that is called tress-passing.
(Especially when your neighbor stresses over your tresses.)
I tried walking a mile in someone else's shoes the other day...
Had to stop early though. Apparently the other guy called it stealing.
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
You ever notice how George Washington only got a big stick, and everyone else got huge memorials? I guess that's why they call it the Washington Post.
Is anyone else worried about all these basketball players overheating during the NCAA tournament.
You know, since they're playing without the fans.
I was running down the aisle to grab the last package of toilet paper, but I slipped and fell before someone else grabbed it.
You could say I completely wiped out.
Anyone else part of the fan base?
Did anyone else hear about the guy who they caught smashing chickpeas?
Who else eats bread with the white and green spots?
Edit: Thanks for the mold kind stranger
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
Everywhere else it’s July 24 except the UK
where it’s the end of May.
Why were the Native Americans in America before anyone else?
Why did the fisherman only care about his fish and never share to anyone else?
Has anyone else noticed that the symbol "&"...
...looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?
If Einstein hadn't come up with the Theory of Relativity, someone else would have. It was only a matter of time.
The astrophysics class I was planning to take filled up before I could sign up. Now I have to take something else.
It's weird when I eat wheat, it gives me a huge headache But, if I get the wheat from someone else, I'm fine. It's just migraine.
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: “What else could the management provide — that might have prevented you from leaving?”
I raced to the bakery to try and get the last cake but someone else beat me there.
So instead I got consolation pies.
There were a couple of miners make their way to SF. They set up camp for the night underneath a giant half dome. One of the miners was going to make coffee. He ask if anyone else wanted something to drink
Someone yelled back from the other side of camp. “YO SEND ME TEA.!”
The little horse just finished a song at the recording studio. The producer says, "What else you got?"
"That's it. I'm a one track pony".
Does anyone else feel that picking up the pieces after a game of Catan is really unsettling?
Does anyone else say, "Come in" when someone knocks on the bathroom door while you are on the toilet...not sure if that's a dad thing or just me...
Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?
That's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
Someone in my office asked her boss if anyone else usually sits on the same desk
Her boss replied "yeah, we got a bit of a hotdesk arrangement"
I chimed in and said "Well if it's a hotdesk, you could always turn the fan on."
She was not impressed.
Never blame someone else for the road you are on
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