How dare they make someone else clean that up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone else with hexual dysfunction?
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zhukov76
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Anyone else having fowl weather?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilovebirds123456
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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My birthday is on July 24th, shame I was born in america. If I was born anywhere else....

my birthday would be 24/7

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aglaz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.

I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...

...that's your own asphalt!

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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A dad joke...what else do we put here?

Wife: You ruined my birthday

Me: Impossible, I don't even know when your birthday is

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dateach01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally did it. I told my wife I had secretly married someone else.

That was bigamy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MafiaCub
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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When someone quotes someone else's typo
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilbookworm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
DOES ANYONE ELSE FORGET THE ABBREVIATION FOR MAINE?

OR IS IT JUST ME?

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suktupbutterkup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is it better to screw up on a road you paved than on one someone else paved?

Because it's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VBStrong_67
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who repeated the same phrase more times than anyone else ever has?

Sounded like a broken record.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I cant see why I am posting this, no one else will see this post
πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DawnofX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm left handed. You know who else is left handed?

I don't

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oneshock1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone else here a fan of Fire Emblem? Because I CHROMposed some great puns of one of the main lords! reddit.com/gallery/jy2d6n
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dorkyautisticgirl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of opening a bar where everyone insults everyone else while moving to the music...

I think my idea of social diss dancing would go over well!

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.

This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop stealing her kitchen utensils or else.

But that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What would u call Hitler if he got removed of his own dick by operation and put someone else's dick there?

Dic-traitor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kestrokapil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?

Mine's always resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone else notice

the Supreme Court has been more Ruthless than normal?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilmadiqfit2266
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Whatever else you might do on Halloween, don't eat a ghost!

They taste like sheet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMHeenan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m such a state! What will Della wear to the picnic? And who else will be there? What will we do?

I think Texas coming. What will Delaware? I don’t know, Alaska! Iowa thanks to you for bringing this up! Maybe we can play some Tennessee? Indiana just don’t think we’ll know what to expect. Like last time, we don’t know Michigan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leehawkins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Who else wants to see a puppet show, minus the puppets?

Let's see a show of hands..

πŸ‘︎ 248
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.

It was ....the worst case scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 936
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Dr: Do you kneed anything else?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarahJBP
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Good communication is key or else

You will get something in your eye

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXFox_SonaXx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been told I can eat more pastries than anyone else.

Well, if the choux fits...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Porkpenknife
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone else noticing a recent influx of herb related jokes?

It is that thyme of year, I suppose.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entropolous
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
On top of everything else going on this year, I just got ketchup in my eye.

Now I have 2020 Heinzsight.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a race car driver say when he has nothing else to say in an argument?

Mph.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustiniR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How else would they stay warm all winter?
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who loves both himself and waffles more than anything else in the world?

An Eggomaniac

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MBonez12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Germany is the cleanest city in the world and had to change its name to something else

I guess there’s no Germany more

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doorbell28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Anybody else find it hard to resist saying β€œfish dicks” when cooking your kids fish sticks?

Or is it just me...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doravec88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Who else
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate people who keep telling me that I need to be saved or else I'm going to burn.

Stupid Firemen

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCRAPP13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end of a call at my job, I ask if there’s anything else I can help with.

Guy (being bugged by his kids in the background) replies, β€œYeah, can I put 9 and 12 year olds in your recycle containers?” I replied, without skipping a beat, β€œOh, no. I’m so sorry, We JUST stopped accepting those ages. We are currently taking 8 and 10 year olds.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/veelagirl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
"Do you think that hole is big enough to be called something else?"

"Might as well"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Utterly_unique
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s definitely a brownie not something else. v.redd.it/cltwr9yyenz41
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mctightbuns
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Honestly I woudden't lead someone else steel this pun
πŸ‘︎ 500
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1_hele_euro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody stopped me the other day in the shopping center and said "oh, sorry, i thought you were someone else" .

I replied, "I am"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?

I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Never blame someone else for the road you are on

It’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report

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