I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...
...that's your own asphalt!
DOES ANYONE ELSE FORGET THE ABBREVIATION FOR MAINE?
Did you hear about the guy who repeated the same phrase more times than anyone else ever has?
Sounded like a broken record.
Anyone else here a fan of Fire Emblem? Because I CHROMposed some great puns of one of the main lords!
reddit.com/gallery/jy2d6n
The second time Hansel and Gretel found a house made of cookies and candy, they sent someone else in to test-nibble it first.
This technique became known as Munch Housen by Proxy.
I'm thinking of opening a bar where everyone insults everyone else while moving to the music...
I think my idea of social diss dancing would go over well!
I’m such a state! What will Della wear to the picnic? And who else will be there? What will we do?
I think Texas coming. What will Delaware? I don’t know, Alaska! Iowa thanks to you for bringing this up! Maybe we can play some Tennessee? Indiana just don’t think we’ll know what to expect. Like last time, we don’t know Michigan.
Who else wants to see a puppet show, minus the puppets?
Let's see a show of hands..
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
Germany is the cleanest city in the world and had to change its name to something else
I guess there’s no Germany more
What do you call a person who loves both himself and waffles more than anything else in the world?
At the end of a call at my job, I ask if there’s anything else I can help with.
Guy (being bugged by his kids in the background) replies, “Yeah, can I put 9 and 12 year olds in your recycle containers?”
I replied, without skipping a beat, “Oh, no. I’m so sorry, We JUST stopped accepting those ages. We are currently taking 8 and 10 year olds.”
The local diner charges Hispanic men less than everyone else.
They call it the señor citizens’ discount.
Somebody stopped me the other day in the shopping center and said "oh, sorry, i thought you were someone else" .
I tried walking a mile in someone else's shoes the other day...
Had to stop early though. Apparently the other guy called it stealing.
Did you know it was against the law to let your long hair to cross over into someone else's property?
Yeah, that is called tress-passing.
(Especially when your neighbor stresses over your tresses.)
Someone else made the gravy mistake of posting that photo
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
You ever notice how George Washington only got a big stick, and everyone else got huge memorials? I guess that's why they call it the Washington Post.
Is anyone else worried about all these basketball players overheating during the NCAA tournament.
You know, since they're playing without the fans.
I was running down the aisle to grab the last package of toilet paper, but I slipped and fell before someone else grabbed it.
You could say I completely wiped out.
Did anyone else hear about the guy who they caught smashing chickpeas?
Anyone else part of the fan base?
Who else eats bread with the white and green spots?
Edit: Thanks for the mold kind stranger
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
Everywhere else it’s July 24 except the UK
where it’s the end of May.
A man and a gorilla walked into a bar. The man told the bartender to bring the gorilla ice. The bartender said "Ice? Nothing else?"
The man said: "Yes. Just ice for harambe."
Why were the Native Americans in America before anyone else?
Why did the fisherman only care about his fish and never share to anyone else?
The astrophysics class I was planning to take filled up before I could sign up. Now I have to take something else.
Has anyone else noticed that the symbol "&"...
...looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?
If Einstein hadn't come up with the Theory of Relativity, someone else would have. It was only a matter of time.
It's weird when I eat wheat, it gives me a huge headache But, if I get the wheat from someone else, I'm fine. It's just migraine.
I raced to the bakery to try and get the last cake but someone else beat me there.
So instead I got consolation pies.
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: “What else could the management provide — that might have prevented you from leaving?”
The little horse just finished a song at the recording studio. The producer says, "What else you got?"
"That's it. I'm a one track pony".
Does anyone else feel that picking up the pieces after a game of Catan is really unsettling?
Does anyone else say, "Come in" when someone knocks on the bathroom door while you are on the toilet...not sure if that's a dad thing or just me...
Doctor:Okay apart from your painful disease, can you tell me something else? Like, the last meal you had?
Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?
That's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
Someone in my office asked her boss if anyone else usually sits on the same desk
Her boss replied "yeah, we got a bit of a hotdesk arrangement"
I chimed in and said "Well if it's a hotdesk, you could always turn the fan on."
She was not impressed.
Never blame someone else for the road you are on
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
