Another year has came and went, and there are some things I wish I couldβve done differently
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︎ Jan 01 2021
On reflection, there's a lot of stuff I'd like to have done differently this past year.
But hey, hindsight is 2020
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︎ Dec 31 2020
As this year is coming to a close, I find myself thinking about all the things I would have done differently.
Seems like I got 20/20 hindsight.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
There are so many things I would've done differently this last year
But hey, hindsight is 2020
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
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︎ Mar 17 2020
I used to think employers valued their workers, until yesterday when I worked a full day, but only got paid twenty cents. I see my boss entirely differently now after that.
It was a real paradigm shift.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Why do Air Force pilots salute differently?
Because theyβre above us.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Iβm afraid of confusing words that sound the same but spelled differently.
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︎ May 22 2020
I just hired a full time valet, and I found that people really treat you differently.
He has opened a lot of doors for me.
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︎ Feb 14 2020
Bit of a stretch, but has potential if said differently...
"Do you know the alphabet?"
"No, I'm a beta."
"OMeGa"
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︎ Apr 14 2019
Readers digest things differently of course
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︎ Mar 02 2018
Genies work differently than you think they do (long joke)
A man walks into a peculiar bar. Thereβs a small man no more than a foot tall playing the piano in the corner, men with horns and many other odd things. He noticed people huddled around a table. He walks up to the bartender and asks βwhatβs going on over there?β
The bartender replies,β oh itβs a game, if you win a genie will grant you one wishβ.
βReally! Can I wish for anything!?β
The Bartender says βyup just be specific and enunciate. Trust meβ
βHow do you play!?β The man asks excitedly
βItβs simple if you roll snake eyes you win. Everyone gets one chance and no moreβ
The man runs over the the table and waits his turn. Once he gets up to the table he rolls snake eyes, heβs ecstatic. A genie appears over the table and saysβyou get one wishβ
The man is jumping up and down in excitement. He can hear the bartender saying something but ignores him and saysβI want a million bucks!β The genie saysβdoneβ snaps his fingers and disappears.
In that moment one million male deer, elk, antelope and other animals fill the bar spilling out into the street. After several minutes the stampede leaves the bar and the man saysβ what was that that wasnβt what I wanted!?β
The bartender says βwhat did I say!? I told you to be specific and enunciate!β
βOooh I see But how did you know that would happenβ the man says
βDo you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?β
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︎ Jun 20 2019
Do you know some words (like color/colour or favorite/ favourite) are spelled differently in the US than in the UK?
It's because when the United States declared independence, they said, "we don't want u anymore."
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︎ Mar 11 2019
Why did the man who had experimental plastic dentures fitted see the world differently?
Because he had new Perspex teeth!
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︎ Jan 10 2017
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︎ Dec 19 2013
A woman entered an online pun contest. She submitted ten different puns in the hope that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Five hundred people were exposed to ten different puns, to see if any of them made the subject laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
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︎ Aug 26 2016
[request] Boat puns?
Decorating a cardboard boat tomorrow (made it today) and thinking of covering it with different puns. The name shall be Admiralable Saboateur if I go this route, but I'm not sure how to incorporate it all together to make it a theme. I also thought of Aquadisiac and "Are you my armama?" but I'm not sure if the crowd would get the armada reference either. Any boat puns are appreciated!
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︎ Aug 24 2017
A discussion I had with a woman over E-mail, Ripe with dad jokes.
Me:That's one of my specialties! Yesterday when one of my coworkers playfully hit me with curtains I threatened to have her arrested for assault with a thread-ly weapon.
Her: That's so cheesy, but so gouda.
M: Hearing you say that makes me feel grate!
H: Course! I couldn't just let it brie without returning with a different pun. :)
M: I'm so glad we curd share this moment, it keeps me from feeling bleu.
H: Are you stilton going on about this? It could be seen as a provelone.
M: No Whey! Really? I accepted Cheeses into my life a long time ago.
H: Well, I believe that there is more out there than Cheeses, with your Parmesan I could continue. Too bad I am bread tired, and wish to be loafing around. Good night and sweet dreams
M: Well, early to Bread early to Rise, as they say. You have sweet dreams. Oh, and don't ask Rye if I'm in them
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︎ Apr 02 2016
Whatβs the difference between Taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
It's different. Take note everybody
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︎ Apr 01 2021
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
When I was young, I was obsessed with the difference between a sine and a cosine.
Later, I realized it was just a phase.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
What's the difference between Mordor and the Capital?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
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︎ Jan 09 2021
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster that just got a boob job?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Her: Iβm leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Whatβs the difference between politicians and flying pigs?
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︎ Mar 08 2021
What is the difference between Butt and Butte?
One is the rear of an organism, the other is the rear of Montana.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
What is the difference between a teepee and George Michaelβs toupee?
Oneβs a wigwam, oneβs a Wham! wig.
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Whatβs the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You canβt unscrew a pregnant woman!
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
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︎ Apr 16 2021
What's the difference between a Rabbit and a Hare?
One is hare-ier than the other!
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︎ Apr 03 2021
A kitten with a lisp goes to a different church every week.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.
My 11 year old daughter told me this one this evening lol.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
What is the difference between a radius and a diameter?
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Whatβs the difference between a lousy trashy stand up comedian, and a father making jokes about pens?
One is bad at telling dick jokes, the other is dad at telling Bic jokes.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
When my doctor told me I had a deviated septum, I asked him how different it was from the average.
"Standard deviation", he replied.
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︎ Mar 21 2021
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why Iβm not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,
βYou just havenβt been cutting it lately.β
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Know the difference
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Whatβs the difference between milk and yogurt?
Yogurt comes from a more sophisticated culture.
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︎ Mar 14 2021
What's the difference between a boy clock and a girl clock?
A boy clock goes "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock" and a girl clock just tocks...and tocks...and tocks.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef!
>!Not everyone can pea (pee) soup!!<
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I am reading this article that compares all the different versions of The Bible.
There is a lot of cross referencing.
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︎ Mar 23 2021
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
what's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb
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︎ Mar 09 2021
What's the difference between a cow and a moose?
A cow always moos but a moose never cows
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What's the difference between AM and FM?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
There are lesser known biological differences between men and women.
There's actually a vas deferens.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What's the difference between Mike Wazowski and a carrot?
One's a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer
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︎ Mar 22 2021
There was a man who entered a local paperβs pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at ο»Ώleast one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, ο»Ώno pun in ten did.
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︎ Apr 05 2017
Pun contest
There was a man who entered a local newspaper pun contest. He sent in ten different puns the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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︎ Jan 29 2017
What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Whatβs the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.
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︎ Apr 07 2021
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
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︎ Apr 07 2021
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