It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.
(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)
To fix the blinds
All his opponents seem to have the upper hand.
I'm just lack-toes intolerant.
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
He was temper errorly disabled
I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'
You can hide, but you can't run.
Hand Solo
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
I’d watch it if I were you,
It is a crippling issue, right ?
He should've named it a Handy Cap
I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...
PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?
And I reply, “it’s more of a preserve, than a jam.”
She stood him up.
Easy, you just need to have parking son's
He filed an ap-peel.
Love is a disability. Don't love or don't spread love.
I work at a house and take care of two gentlemen with mental disabilities who live there. One of them dropped this gem today:
Him: What would happen if I didn't have a mouth? I couldn't talk. What would happen if I didn't have a nose? I couldn't smell. What would happen if I didn't have any ears? I couldn't see. Me: Do you mean you couldn't hear? Him: No, my hat would fall down and cover my eyes.
The doctor disabled my pop up blocker
I'm starting a blog as a disabled writer consisting of anecdotal posts about the funny, but unusual circumstances my disability and wheelchair put me in. Any names that come to mind? Particularly fond of blogs titles like Laughing at My Nightmare and Bag Lady Moma. I'm in a wheelchair and have 24/7 care, my disability is Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)... go as wild as you like
He sits criss-cross in a handicapped spot, on his phone.
A disabled man in a wheelchair rolls to the spot, sees him, and asks him to move.
The man sitting down says "Don't you know who I am?"
The disabled man says "No, who are you where you're so important you can sit in a spot designed for me?"
The man says "My name is Marshall Bruce Mathers III. I'm literally Eminem. I'm so famous, I can sit in this spot and not get any backlash."
The disabled man gets a little shocked, seeing the REAL Eminem sitting in his spot. Suddenly, he gets a brilliant idea.
The man says...
"May I have your attention please?"
Eminem looks up, confused.
"Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
Eminem sweats.
"I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
A security guard comes over, realizing what's going on, also knowing the song.
"We're gonna have a problem here."
A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless
The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference.
On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.
Turns out I needed to have cookies disabled.
He disabled his pop-up blocker.
Yes it was towed to move.
This was my response to my son's question today when we passed by where a disabled truck had been sitting by the road for a few days.
My youngest daughter had a developmental disability as a toddler. As a result, she was very withdrawn and functionally mute until the age of four. I made up a joke and taught it to her in an attempt to get her to open up a little. It worked.
Me: What does the dog say?
Her: Woof!
Me: What does the cat say?
Her: Meow!
Me: What does the cow say?
Her: Eat More Chikin!
Thanks, Chik-Fil-A, for helping to bring my baby girl out of her shell.
I was helping my grandmother with one of those elevators for the elderly and the disabled, and in order to make it go up, I had to keep a button pressed down.
Me: Hey, dad! Look at how good I am at this. Perhaps I should get job as an elevator operator.
Dad: Son, don't go down that road, it's not a good job.
Me: And why is that?
Dad: I heard it has lots of ups and downs!
Girlfriend "oh and my credit card is now disabled" Me "is it in a wheelchair or on crutches?"
