Times are hard for people on disability benefits....

I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SR21-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What do you call a disabled paper towel?

A napkan't

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3rdeye88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.

The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Approaching your Disability with Humor youtube.com/watch?v=dSoPY…
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Disabled flash
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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What do you call a disabled duck?

Handiquacked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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I was having trouble with my computer, so I contacted IT support. The man said, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?'

I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Why did the new disability centre hire a repairman?

To fix the blinds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrakeVader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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What do you call a disable person with one arm?

Hand Solo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harlan1596
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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To the disabled man who stole my camo jacket:

You can hide, but you can't run.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Multiple_Melons
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Did you hear about the new boxer with a disability that prevents him from lifting his arms past his waist?

All his opponents seem to have the upper hand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riffengo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Disable flash
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kbro18
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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I have a disabled daughter who is a feminist

It is a crippling issue, right ?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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My disabled friend said that he invented a Helping Hat.

He should've named it a Handy Cap

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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To the person who disabled the clock at work today.

I’d watch it if I were you,

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forresett
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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I don't have a problem with disability in general...

I'm just lack-toes intolerant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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What do you call a disabled fish?

Handicarped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Craniac3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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On the disabled man that drowned while teenagers filmed:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yetanotherAZN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
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(OC) What disability did the Titanic have?

Icepergers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Juciejuice
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Why didn't the shark eat the disabled seal?

The seal was broken

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACheeseGod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice

I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...

PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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How do toilets get disabled in the first place
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cameronledger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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Punny
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VIRONGAR
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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As a disabled dad, playing the guitar, being picked up for the gig....my son asks, β€œyou going to jam”

And I reply, β€œit’s more of a preserve, than a jam.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameItTrashIt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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My disabled friend got a date with a physiotherapist.

She stood him up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/niggety
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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Want to park on a disable spot in the parking?

Easy, you just need to have parking son's

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VishNossa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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What did the disabled banana do after he got ripped off by social security?

He filed an ap-peel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KryFuZe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
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I can finally get an erection..

The doctor disabled my pop up blocker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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If love is blind,

Love is a disability. Don't love or don't spread love.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BladeSides
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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One of the particpants at an adult foster care home dropped this bomb.

I work at a house and take care of two gentlemen with mental disabilities who live there. One of them dropped this gem today:

Him: What would happen if I didn't have a mouth? I couldn't talk. What would happen if I didn't have a nose? I couldn't smell. What would happen if I didn't have any ears? I couldn't see. Me: Do you mean you couldn't hear? Him: No, my hat would fall down and cover my eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calebshmaleb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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[Request] Blog name suggestions (the punnier the better)

I'm starting a blog as a disabled writer consisting of anecdotal posts about the funny, but unusual circumstances my disability and wheelchair put me in. Any names that come to mind? Particularly fond of blogs titles like Laughing at My Nightmare and Bag Lady Moma. I'm in a wheelchair and have 24/7 care, my disability is Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)... go as wild as you like

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessdon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
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I sent a request for a gym membership online and it was declined.

Turns out I needed to have cookies disabled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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Did that truck get towed?

Yes it was towed to move.

This was my response to my son's question today when we passed by where a disabled truck had been sitting by the road for a few days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/withaph64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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I turned an English paper into one giant pun.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chewy_64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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My first (decent) dad joke!

Girlfriend "oh and my credit card is now disabled" Me "is it in a wheelchair or on crutches?"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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My dad dropped this one in the elevator... I literally cringed and laughed at the same time

I was helping my grandmother with one of those elevators for the elderly and the disabled, and in order to make it go up, I had to keep a button pressed down.

Me: Hey, dad! Look at how good I am at this. Perhaps I should get job as an elevator operator.

Dad: Son, don't go down that road, it's not a good job.

Me: And why is that?

Dad: I heard it has lots of ups and downs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndyBirch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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My dad in the restroom

Walks in, sees the wheelchair logo: "I don't want a disabled restroom, I want one that works!"

Every damn time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noahringler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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