The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
Your new cerebral pal.
You can hide, but you can't run.
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
I’d watch it if I were you,
It is a crippling issue, right ?
He should've named it a Handy Cap
And I reply, “it’s more of a preserve, than a jam.”
She stood him up.
He filed an ap-peel.
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.
(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)
I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'
To fix the blinds
Hand Solo
All his opponents seem to have the upper hand.
I'm just lack-toes intolerant.
Icepergers
I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...
PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?
Easy, you just need to have parking son's
The doctor disabled my pop up blocker
Love is a disability. Don't love or don't spread love.
I work at a house and take care of two gentlemen with mental disabilities who live there. One of them dropped this gem today:
Him: What would happen if I didn't have a mouth? I couldn't talk. What would happen if I didn't have a nose? I couldn't smell. What would happen if I didn't have any ears? I couldn't see. Me: Do you mean you couldn't hear? Him: No, my hat would fall down and cover my eyes.
I'm starting a blog as a disabled writer consisting of anecdotal posts about the funny, but unusual circumstances my disability and wheelchair put me in. Any names that come to mind? Particularly fond of blogs titles like Laughing at My Nightmare and Bag Lady Moma. I'm in a wheelchair and have 24/7 care, my disability is Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)... go as wild as you like
Turns out I needed to have cookies disabled.
He disabled his pop-up blocker.
Yes it was towed to move.
This was my response to my son's question today when we passed by where a disabled truck had been sitting by the road for a few days.
Girlfriend "oh and my credit card is now disabled" Me "is it in a wheelchair or on crutches?"
I was helping my grandmother with one of those elevators for the elderly and the disabled, and in order to make it go up, I had to keep a button pressed down.
Me: Hey, dad! Look at how good I am at this. Perhaps I should get job as an elevator operator.
Dad: Son, don't go down that road, it's not a good job.
Me: And why is that?
Dad: I heard it has lots of ups and downs!
Walks in, sees the wheelchair logo: "I don't want a disabled restroom, I want one that works!"
Every damn time.
My dad has this habit of pretending he didn't hear what you said, and then "repeating" it. Like if I said I was going to see an art show, he'll say, "You're going to a FART show? I had no idea you'd have any interest in that!" Lots of jokes along those lines, amongst others.
When I was younger I would laugh because he was kinda funny, and also to make him happy, but as I've gotten older I laugh not JUST because he's funny (in a corny way) but because the fact he still makes these jokes makes me so happy and really warms my heart. My mom is physically disabled, my dad has a bunch of health issues, we've all suffered terribly at times because of all this illness. And no matter how bad it gets, my dad is always there trying his hardest to put a smile on other people's faces and to lighten the mood a bit with his jokes. I've always been the type of girl to mope and be depressed when things are hard, but as I've gotten older I've tried to be more like my old man because I think it's something really special and admirable and selfless about stepping outside of your own negativity to give others something to laugh at or smile about. My dad is such a fuckin hero, I love him so much, and I can't imagine how unbearable this world would seem at times without him trying to make us all laugh.
So to all you dads telling your corny dad jokes, don't ever stop. Your kids and wife might groan or roll their eyes, but inside they love their corny old man and appreciate the goofy puns and fart jokes you tell!
