Tee Up Puns

And he joined the kids playing a pick up game while I talked to the coaches.

The coach said, "He's pretty good, what is he, four?"

I said, "I have no idea what he's for. "

He followed the enchanting voice till he came upon a singing yellowfin tuna. He knew he had found something incredible. He caught the fish, kept it alive and returned home.

He showed his friends and posted videos on tik tok, and the singing fish went viral. It could sing almost anything, but Pavarotti was it's favorite.

The fisherman toured around the world with the fish and set up a website to sell merch. The clothing he made sold like crazy, so he ordered thousands of short sleeve shirts to be made in advance.

Unfortunately, the fish died, and the public lost interest. The fisherman was left with endless opera tuna tees.

I once had a job in a t-shirt factory. Every day, t-shirts would come down the line, and using this big rubber stamp, I’d apply a handful of dots to them, at random, to just given them a general design that wasn’t blank t-shirt. It was soul sucking, but it paid the bills.

However, I kept running into a problem. I wasn’t applying the dots fast enough. It was a mental thing - I’d get hung up on where should I apply the next dot so it doesn’t look bad, etc. But one of the guys who’d been there longer than I had gave me a piece of advice. He told me to cross to my eyes. That way, I could just kinda zone out and hit the t-shirt a few times randomly without paying much attention to where exactly I was applying the dots. It worked like magic.

Well eventually I was getting ready to leave the factory and they had me train my replacement. It only took one day. I left him with one piece of advice. I told him not to get too hung up on the specific details but just to make sure he dotted his tees and crossed his eyes.

My dad and I went galling this morming, and a flock of birds was sitting on the fairway of the third hole as we got to the tee box. I asked him how many strokes we would get off our score if we hit a bird.

As he stepped up to address the ball, he said calmly "It's an automatic birdie."

My dad who is an avid golfer steps up to the first tee today and says "You know why they call me BMW?"

Me: Why?

He proceeds to crush his drive down the middle of the fairway and says "because I'm the ultimate driving machine".

My fiance's uncle disappeared for a couple hours after the ceremony. He walks into the reception with two golf tees in his hand and says to anyone who will listen,

"they tell me I'm a tease"

while holding up the two tees.

He spent at least an hour looking for two golf tees just so he could make that joke.