Why shouldn't puns be written down on paper?
because they would then be tearable.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Nov 02 2020
Remember, heralds don't pun; they cant.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Aug 03 2015
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldnโt have a son anymore
๐︎ 7k
๐
︎ May 07 2021
Don't know if this was posted here before
๐︎ 6k
๐
︎ May 10 2021
I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.
My kids are still able to get in the house.
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ May 19 2021
My Bluetooth speaker wasnโt working so I threw it into the lake.
๐︎ 8k
๐
︎ May 11 2021
Initially I didnโt believe that my chiropractor was any good.
But now I stand corrected.
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Apr 28 2021
What starts with W and ends with T.
It really does , I swear.
๐︎ 968
๐
︎ May 24 2021
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Apr 19 2021
My wife said, โI donโt really understand the science behind human cloning.โ
I said, โThat makes two of us.โ
๐︎ 7k
๐
︎ May 09 2021
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Apr 27 2021
MODS please remove this post if it doesn't belong on this sub
๐︎ 730
๐
︎ May 26 2021
Pandoraโs box wasnโt actually a box.
In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar.
๐︎ 4k
๐
︎ May 09 2021
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Apr 13 2021
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
๐︎ 8k
๐
︎ Apr 07 2021
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
๐︎ 5k
๐
︎ Mar 27 2021
What kind of bird doesnโt know the words to their own song?
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Apr 30 2021
My wife said sheโd leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didnโt believe her
๐︎ 436
๐
︎ May 19 2021
T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt
Itโs because of the small arms
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ May 14 2021
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
๐︎ 950
๐
︎ May 08 2021
My brother said he didnโt like cat puns.
I asked why and he said, โThey freak meowt.โ
After a moment of me staring at him, he said, โSeriously, Iโm not kitten.โ
๐︎ 331
๐
︎ May 25 2021
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Apr 14 2021
My wife got mad at me because I wouldnโt stop singing โIโm a Believerโ by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Apr 02 2021
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Mar 12 2021
I meant to cross post it but I donโt know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Apr 23 2021
I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."
He's a small arms dealer.
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ May 18 2021
I don't even know how many puns I made here. I am a pun-aholic.
๐︎ 427
๐
︎ May 01 2021
Why can't blind people eat fish ?
๐︎ 290
๐
︎ May 12 2021
What do you call a chameleon that canโt change colors?
๐︎ 761
๐
︎ May 09 2021
Sometimes I use big words I don't understand
Just to make me sound more photosynthesis
๐︎ 290
๐
︎ May 13 2021
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
๐︎ 6k
๐
︎ Mar 08 2021
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ May 09 2021
Donโt you guys hate it when you have hare in your soup
๐︎ 75
๐
︎ May 19 2021
What do you call a pencil that doesn't work?
๐︎ 426
๐
︎ May 10 2021
Hope this isnโt a shitty pun
๐︎ 23
๐
︎ May 23 2021
Wife says I wonโt get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
๐︎ 25k
๐
︎ Feb 18 2021
If you get lost in the Canadian wilderness, donโt panic unless you see at least one grizzly.
Thatโs the bear minimum.
๐︎ 372
๐
︎ May 17 2021
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
๐︎ 13k
๐
︎ Feb 27 2021
Don't think too much
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Apr 11 2021
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
--joke taken from my dad joke calendar--
๐︎ 180
๐
︎ May 21 2021
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to โDonโt Stop Believingโ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
๐︎ 10k
๐
︎ Mar 13 2021
Asked my contractor why he didnโt bill me for my new roof
He said โDonโt worry about it, itโs on the house!โ
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Apr 25 2021
Canโt bear this weather anymore
๐︎ 701
๐
︎ Apr 25 2021
Gay jokes aren't even funny, like
๐︎ 809
๐
︎ Apr 15 2021
Why donโt vampires play poker?
They are afraid of the stakes
๐︎ 424
๐
︎ May 02 2021
My mam used to say you don't appreciate something enough till it's gone
๐︎ 185
๐
︎ May 17 2021
Why didnโt the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
๐︎ 205
๐
︎ May 15 2021
Batman invited all the superheroes for a discussion on Bitcoin. Superman didn't show up
Because it was Crypto-night
๐︎ 102
๐
︎ May 22 2021
This leaf t me laughing
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ May 21 2021
My parents always tell me their world doesnโt revolve around me...
so I guess that means Iโm not actually their sun.
๐︎ 108
๐
︎ May 21 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
