Why shouldn't puns be written down on paper?

because they would then be tearable.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Big_Cantaloupe2533
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Remember, heralds don't pun; they cant.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kiyohara
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2015
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If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldnโ€™t have a son anymore

I would have a daughter

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Captbeauner
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Don't know if this was posted here before
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/choclite69
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2021
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I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.

My kids are still able to get in the house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheAzrael2013
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2021
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My Bluetooth speaker wasnโ€™t working so I threw it into the lake.

Now itโ€™s syncing.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jigsatics
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 11 2021
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Initially I didnโ€™t believe that my chiropractor was any good.

But now I stand corrected.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What starts with W and ends with T.

It really does , I swear.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 968
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ivanshu
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24 2021
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There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rozen007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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My wife said, โ€œI donโ€™t really understand the science behind human cloning.โ€

I said, โ€œThat makes two of us.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2021
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Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?

Because it'll blow his cover

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/p_tally
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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MODS please remove this post if it doesn't belong on this sub
๐Ÿ‘︎ 730
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheGratefulJuggler
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Pandoraโ€™s box wasnโ€™t actually a box.

In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/christiescrubbs
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2021
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Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?

Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/oak05
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?

Because they're dead.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/scardeal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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At least he won't turn over in his grave.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rainbowarriorhere
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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What kind of bird doesnโ€™t know the words to their own song?

A hummingbird.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/koNekterr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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My wife said sheโ€™d leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didnโ€™t believe her

But then I saw her face

๐Ÿ‘︎ 436
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dizzaster21
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2021
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T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt

Itโ€™s because of the small arms

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hylianriceig
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 950
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BillyBob_TX
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2021
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My brother said he didnโ€™t like cat puns.

I asked why and he said, โ€œThey freak meowt.โ€

After a moment of me staring at him, he said, โ€œSeriously, Iโ€™m not kitten.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 331
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EpicWinterWolf
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 25 2021
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There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..

..they make me feel even number.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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My wife got mad at me because I wouldnโ€™t stop singing โ€œIโ€™m a Believerโ€ by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DiosMioMan2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ToastyZ71
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I meant to cross post it but I donโ€™t know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/idk2214
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."

He's a small arms dealer.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jigsatics
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I don't even know how many puns I made here. I am a pun-aholic.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 427
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bbbbbeelzebob
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2021
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Why can't blind people eat fish ?

Because it's seafood.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 290
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2021
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What do you call a chameleon that canโ€™t change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 761
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bmp08
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2021
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Sometimes I use big words I don't understand

Just to make me sound more photosynthesis

๐Ÿ‘︎ 290
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kopites_Roar
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2021
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It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ToastyZ71
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.

She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheAzrael2013
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2021
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Donโ€™t you guys hate it when you have hare in your soup
๐Ÿ‘︎ 75
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/supdawggg00
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2021
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What do you call a pencil that doesn't work?

Pointless

๐Ÿ‘︎ 426
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/D3ltaforc3
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 10 2021
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Hope this isnโ€™t a shitty pun
๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NintnedoGod
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Wife says I wonโ€™t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/amalgamxtc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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If you get lost in the Canadian wilderness, donโ€™t panic unless you see at least one grizzly.

Thatโ€™s the bear minimum.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 372
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2021
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I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Don't think too much
๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Birthday_Euphoric
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

--joke taken from my dad joke calendar--

๐Ÿ‘︎ 180
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snoopseanie
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to โ€œDonโ€™t Stop Believingโ€.

It was an unexpected Journey.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Asked my contractor why he didnโ€™t bill me for my new roof

He said โ€œDonโ€™t worry about it, itโ€™s on the house!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JAK-the-YAK
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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Canโ€™t bear this weather anymore
๐Ÿ‘︎ 701
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HamadRajput
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Gay jokes aren't even funny, like

Cum on guys

๐Ÿ‘︎ 809
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/code_punk_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why donโ€™t vampires play poker?

They are afraid of the stakes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 424
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kilographix
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My mam used to say you don't appreciate something enough till it's gone

[removed]

๐Ÿ‘︎ 185
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2021
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Why didnโ€™t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?

He was a private tutor.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 205
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tckoppang
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 15 2021
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Batman invited all the superheroes for a discussion on Bitcoin. Superman didn't show up

Because it was Crypto-night

๐Ÿ‘︎ 102
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2021
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This leaf t me laughing
๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/julzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2021
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My parents always tell me their world doesnโ€™t revolve around me...

so I guess that means Iโ€™m not actually their sun.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 108
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jigsatics
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2021
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