Why shouldn't puns be written down on paper?
because they would then be tearable.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Remember, heralds don't pun; they cant.
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︎ Aug 03 2015
MODS please remove this post if it doesn't belong on this sub
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︎ May 26 2021
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldnโt have a son anymore
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︎ May 07 2021
Don't know if this was posted here before
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︎ May 10 2021
I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.
My kids are still able to get in the house.
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︎ May 19 2021
My Bluetooth speaker wasnโt working so I threw it into the lake.
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︎ May 11 2021
Initially I didnโt believe that my chiropractor was any good.
But now I stand corrected.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
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︎ Apr 19 2021
My wife said, โI donโt really understand the science behind human cloning.โ
I said, โThat makes two of us.โ
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︎ May 09 2021
What starts with W and ends with T.
It really does , I swear.
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︎ May 24 2021
You can't do this to me. I know my rights!
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︎ May 28 2021
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
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︎ Apr 27 2021
Pandoraโs box wasnโt actually a box.
In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar.
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︎ May 09 2021
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
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︎ Apr 07 2021
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
What kind of bird doesnโt know the words to their own song?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
My father used to say, "You don't always get what you pay for."
Lovely man, terrible delivery driver
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︎ May 28 2021
I wasn't much fun last year having a broken neck..
But at least now I can look back and laugh..
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︎ Jun 01 2021
T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt
Itโs because of the small arms
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︎ May 14 2021
My wife said sheโd leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didnโt believe her
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︎ May 19 2021
My brother said he didnโt like cat puns.
I asked why and he said, โThey freak meowt.โ
After a moment of me staring at him, he said, โSeriously, Iโm not kitten.โ
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︎ May 25 2021
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
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︎ May 08 2021
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
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︎ Mar 12 2021
My wife got mad at me because I wouldnโt stop singing โIโm a Believerโ by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
How do you measure a snake? In inches, because they donโt have feet.
But you measure rattlesnakes in meters, because they have rhythm.
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︎ May 29 2021
I meant to cross post it but I donโt know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."
He's a small arms dealer.
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︎ May 18 2021
I don't even know how many puns I made here. I am a pun-aholic.
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︎ May 01 2021
I donโt understand why my son was so upset I gave him broken down cardboard for his birthday.
Heโs the one who kept asking for an ex-box.
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︎ May 27 2021
Why can't blind people eat fish ?
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︎ May 12 2021
What do you call a chameleon that canโt change colors?
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︎ May 09 2021
Someone broke into my garage last night, stole my tools and stuff, but I can't believe they took my limbo stick too.
Seriously..how low can you go ?
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︎ Jun 02 2021
Sometimes I use big words I don't understand
Just to make me sound more photosynthesis
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︎ May 13 2021
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
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︎ Mar 08 2021
I don't trust artists
They're always so sketchy
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︎ Jun 02 2021
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
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︎ May 09 2021
Wife says I wonโt get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Donโt you guys hate it when you have hare in your soup
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︎ May 19 2021
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
What do you call a pencil that doesn't work?
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︎ May 10 2021
Which rock group has four guys who canโt sing or play instruments?
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︎ May 31 2021
Don't think too much
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︎ Apr 11 2021
For the life of me, I couldnโt remember the dress that ballerinas wear.
Then I put tu and tu together.
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︎ May 30 2021
Hope this isnโt a shitty pun
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︎ May 23 2021
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to โDonโt Stop Believingโ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
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︎ Mar 13 2021
If you get lost in the Canadian wilderness, donโt panic unless you see at least one grizzly.
Thatโs the bear minimum.
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︎ May 17 2021
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