What did the blonde do when she found out most accidents occur within 20 miles of the home?
π︎ 6
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︎ May 15 2021
What do you call 20 mail trucks going by all at once?
π︎ 6
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︎ May 14 2021
Why do oven instructions always have a nice round number like 400 instead of a random one 20 degrees hotter?
π︎ 6
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︎ May 18 2021
If you couldn't celebrate 4/20 yesterday, you can celebrate it tomorrow instead.
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Is hindsight 20/20?
π︎ 14
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︎ May 08 2021
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
π︎ 25
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︎ May 04 2021
Every 20 minutes a man in New York gets robbed.
π︎ 3
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︎ May 14 2021
I have 20 seconds to tell my joke
Damn who keeps taking my silver medals?
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Do you know why it's difficult to read what is on my Samsung phone's screen from 20 feet?
Because it's on a Galaxy far, far away.
π︎ 40
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︎ Feb 22 2021
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
π︎ 83
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︎ Jan 28 2021
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 31 2021
(True story): My dad carries a tiny 20$ note in his wallet with him wherever he goes. I asked him why...
(His actual answer): "because you always need to carry a little cash on you."
π︎ 23
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︎ Mar 18 2021
What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?
π︎ 43
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︎ Feb 18 2021
I washed a few $20's the other day...
A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.
I guess they take money laundering very seriously....
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Why does nobody want 20/20 Vision?
Because nobody wants to see 2020 again
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 14 2021
20 years ago, my girlfriendβs parking brake went out
Our relationship went downhill fast.
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 26 2021
My son wanted to glue $20 bills to his belt
I told him that would just be a waist of money
π︎ 22
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︎ Jan 21 2021
19 and 20 had a fight
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 12 2021
I did 10 years in my 20s
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Losing 20Β£ is easy if you know what you're doing.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 22 2021
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.
π︎ 29
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I've lost 20% of my sight
π︎ 4k
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︎ May 15 2020
20/20 vision
now iβm just mad that there were people with 20/20 vision in 2019 and they didnβt tell us.
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 05 2020
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight
Credit to u/Butterflies_Books
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?
So I turned it into wine.
π︎ 20
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︎ Oct 19 2020
South Korean scientists created an artificial star for 20 seconds...
It's a whole new take on Asian Fusion.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 03 2021
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
A saltwater crocodile can grow up to 20 feet...
π︎ 77
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︎ Sep 20 2020
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 15 2020
The inventor of Hard and Shoulders shampoo died. At the funeral, his wife gave a 20 minute moving eulogy...
There wasn't a dry scalp in the place!
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 06 2020
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 08 2020
10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90 walked into a bar
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 22 2020
It took me 20 minutes to find the mollusk in my fish tank
It was very well clamoflaged
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 14 2020
It shall commence on 4/20
π︎ 36k
π
︎ Mar 19 2018
19 and 20 fought yesterday. I was rooting for 19, but alas...
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 16 2020
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison when he inadvertently contaminated the food supply of 30 specimens of Americaβs national bird.
His actions were highly ill-eagle
π︎ 12
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︎ Sep 23 2020
20 lashes
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jun 21 2019
Told my wife when she turns 40, I was gonna have to trade her in on 2, 20's
She said that I wasn't wired for it.....
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 05 2020
I bought 20 guillotines because there was a great deal
I donβt know why I thought itβd be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them
π︎ 14
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︎ Jun 02 2020
19 and 20 got in a fight
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Why is 19 afraid of 20
Because they got in a fight once and 21
π︎ 8k
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︎ Aug 19 2019
19 and 20 had a fight.
π︎ 44
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight β¦
π︎ 96
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︎ May 28 2020
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight
π︎ 29
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight.
π︎ 178
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︎ Apr 17 2020
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight
π︎ 224
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︎ Apr 28 2020
Is hindsight 20 20?
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 26 2020
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