What did the blonde do when she found out most accidents occur within 20 miles of the home?

She moved.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bootlebat
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call 20 mail trucks going by all at once?

A stampede.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realtonylong
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do oven instructions always have a nice round number like 400 instead of a random one 20 degrees hotter?

420 is too high.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
If you couldn't celebrate 4/20 yesterday, you can celebrate it tomorrow instead.

Since it'll be 4/22

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Justforgotten
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Is hindsight 20/20?

Or is 2020 in hindsight?

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.

"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Every 20 minutes a man in New York gets robbed.

That poor guy!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bootlebat
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I have 20 seconds to tell my joke

Damn who keeps taking my silver medals?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you know why it's difficult to read what is on my Samsung phone's screen from 20 feet?

Because it's on a Galaxy far, far away.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/212lefty9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.

I think she's going to take me up on it.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken

It was all legal tender

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
(True story): My dad carries a tiny 20$ note in his wallet with him wherever he goes. I asked him why...

(His actual answer): "because you always need to carry a little cash on you."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Monster_NotWar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I washed a few $20's the other day...

A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.

I guess they take money laundering very seriously....

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does nobody want 20/20 Vision?

Because nobody wants to see 2020 again

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hemanmou
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
20 years ago, my girlfriend’s parking brake went out

Our relationship went downhill fast.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyFieri87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My son wanted to glue $20 bills to his belt

I told him that would just be a waist of money

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phresh_69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
19 and 20 had a fight

21

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPeanut76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I did 10 years in my 20s

Now I'm 30

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Losing 20Β£ is easy if you know what you're doing.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coyote_Crate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.

I couldn’t fathom it.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I've lost 20% of my sight

Sigh

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jian-_-Hong
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
20/20 vision

now i’m just mad that there were people with 20/20 vision in 2019 and they didn’t tell us.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingnarco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight

Credit to u/Butterflies_Books

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joemoma21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?

So I turned it into wine.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
South Korean scientists created an artificial star for 20 seconds...

It's a whole new take on Asian Fusion.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustStargazin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...

He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FrickekingFricker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A saltwater crocodile can grow up to 20 feet...

But most just have 4.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Invader_Kilz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"

The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The inventor of Hard and Shoulders shampoo died. At the funeral, his wife gave a 20 minute moving eulogy...

There wasn't a dry scalp in the place!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper

It was a pain in the ass

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90 walked into a bar

They were in tens.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
It took me 20 minutes to find the mollusk in my fish tank

It was very well clamoflaged

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SeabaSquad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
It shall commence on 4/20
πŸ‘︎ 36k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
19 and 20 fought yesterday. I was rooting for 19, but alas...
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MakeHellTal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison when he inadvertently contaminated the food supply of 30 specimens of America’s national bird.

His actions were highly ill-eagle

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
20 lashes
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhan_Hyder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Told my wife when she turns 40, I was gonna have to trade her in on 2, 20's

She said that I wasn't wired for it.....

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jalkl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought 20 guillotines because there was a great deal

I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea. I lost my head when buying them

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCultofLoss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
19 and 20 got in a fight

21

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randompigeon3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is 19 afraid of 20

Because they got in a fight once and 21

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/agfwouldbecool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
19 and 20 had a fight.

21

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timeforclock
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight …

… sigh

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight

21

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DOUGH-P
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight.

Sigh...

πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aRVAthrowaway
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

Sigh.....

πŸ‘︎ 224
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Is hindsight 20 20?

No, the year is

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/koandgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.