A vowel movement
...but don't worry, everything's going to be A-OK!
I O U
I went to the bathroom and had the best vowel movement.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
I am terrified of words that contain no vowels. I live in consonant fear of them.
And today I've had really bad vowel movement.
Now I'm having a huge vowel movement.
They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.
Dad: How do you pronounce that one?
Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..
Daughter: (Face palm)
EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.
Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.
Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.
Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)
Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)
"C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?
I started pronouncing words backwards and forwards, with slight variation in the sounds of the consonants.
Daughter: What are you doing!? *Shriveled nose face
Dad: I'm trying to think of words that sound the same backwards and forwards. Can you think of any?
Daughter: Um, no.
Dad: I'm surprised you didn't instantly think of... Sass.
(Still would work if they come up with examples as long as they don't think of sass.)
Couple consonants. Couple vowels. The usual.
Me: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?
dad: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Me: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Dad: What is a vowel?
Me: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
Dad: Close enough.
Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.
While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).
I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)
The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun... keep reading on reddit ➡