Saying "plain ol coffee" is too many syllables
“No, shit, Sherlock.”
I said no
Time to learn haiku Syllables? Five seven five? Fuck it i give up
He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
I made a fusilli mistakes
I saw him picking up a quarter off the floor.
I said to him, "Is that where you keep all your quarters? That makes a lot of sense."
He says, "Yeah, 25 cents." then laughed for 5 minutes to himself, then kept laughing about it sporadically throughout the day.
Edit: I just wanna say thanks to my s/o /u/rainbowdongs for being so hilarious. <3 Happy anniversary! Love you!
They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.
Dad: How do you pronounce that one?
Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..
Daughter: (Face palm)
EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.
Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.
Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.
Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)
Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)
Baby laughs and starts to coo.
“Hai ku, I am dad.”