Pronunciation Puns

That’s why they call it a W

Oh, varies.

My wife called me up from the animal shelter the other day wanting to adopt a dog. Since money is tight current, I specifically said "0 canine". Now I'm the proud owner of 9 German shepherd pups and will from now on pronounce "0" as "Zero".

“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”

I always see Himalayan there.

“Yes” “Oui” “Sí” “Ja”

He forgot his Chopin Liszt.

I'm addicted.

I guess you can call them Japa-knees

I replied “can I at least Taekwondo?”

Iran

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I captured her."

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

It's my secret 'stache.

They must be waiting for their turn.

I was like, “No way!” And he was like, “Yahweh.”

And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…

I have two favorite titles that are extremely clever puns.

“Shawn the Sheep” “Dexter”

“Shawn the Sheep” is a sly play on the dialect of the characters in the animation. “Shawn” and “shorn” have the same pronunciation in the dialect of the outskirts of Bristol, UK.

“Dexter” is a wonderful Latin pun. “Dexter” is the word for “right” and “Sinister” is the implied compliment, the word for “left” in Latin. Dexter is a series about a serial killer who only murders those guilty of crimes. His name in Latin implies he is the opposite of sinister, right or just.

"Euripides?" says the tailor. "Yeah, Eumenides?" replies the man.

I said, "Sure I can."

I mean, what porpoise do they serve?

How about tomorrownitus?

*Pronunciation may vary

Would the correct pronunciation be 'Nike Bike' or 'Nike Bike?'

I know this is not normal, but can you guys make a pun from the name Kasper? It’s for his birthday

I understand if this post gets removed

Edit: english pronunciation

They even eliminated tea entirely from their pronunciations.

My English teacher once told me to polish my pronunciation.

Gnocchi

Pronunciation.

Its password would be "I_have_a_stream"

Because Chernobyl fallout.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

My dad and I talking about some statistic

Me- "You need to just look at the data."

Dad-"Day-tuh." (correcting my pronunciation which he does any chance he can get)

Me-"Data."

Dad-"No, I'm dada."

Groans shared by his girlfriend and I while he cracks up.

Background: I moved to Europe recently and got a European girlfriend. One of my favourite things to do with her is when she tries to correct my horrible pronunciation I just keep repeating the word the same way and she keeps trying to correct me until she realizes.

So this happens when we were talking about München. I said "Munch'n" (on purpose) and she said something like Moonkien. This went back and forth until I said "Munch'n... Oh man I love this game" to which she replied "Munch'n, how do you play that game?"

My dad keeps some hand sanitizer on-hand next to him in his car. As my dad was driving, I saw that there was a bit of hand sanitizer that had spilled onto his cup holder.

Me: Hey dad, did you spill purell?

Dad: P-U-R-E-L-L.

Me: What?

Dad: You asked me if I spelled purell, but I didn't so now I did!

Me: groans Okay Dad, did you spill purell?? [Emphasized pronunciation of word]

Dad No I didn't spill purell... because that's germ-x.

Me: groaning intensifies

So last night at dinner, I was discussing with my brother the pronunciation of the letter 'y' in the word 'scythe.' Me: "It's pronounced scythe!" (Sounds like eye) Brother: "No, it's scythe!" (Like sith) Me: "Mom, as an English major how is it pronounced?" Dad: "I don't think the British know that much about Star Wars." Me: "Mother, why did you marry him?"

Jesus being the Latin pronunciation. Extra credit, he's hella white.