Did you know the letter β€œU” has two different pronunciations?

That’s why they call it a W

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjmurphy650
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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I like this pronunciation
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simoruler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:

Oh, varies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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Here’s a dad joke I made today: when someone says a word incorrectly, say β€œI see that pronunciation isn’t your forty”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeFifi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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Pronunciation saves the lives of innocent wallets

My wife called me up from the animal shelter the other day wanting to adopt a dog. Since money is tight current, I specifically said "0 canine". Now I'm the proud owner of 9 German shepherd pups and will from now on pronounce "0" as "Zero".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JebusDuck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
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Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.

β€œNoah walked out onto the ark and saw....”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watzit_t00ya
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Beautiful city
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BosaKaczka
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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cured meats
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?

He forgot his Chopin Liszt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BornOfAVegan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.

I always see Himalayan there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said

β€œYes” β€œOui” β€œSí” β€œJa”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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What did Richard say to his friend Ted?

I'm addicted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergeantsexxy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Just had double knee surgery in Japan

I guess you can call them Japa-knees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b-dummy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts. When I asked to take 2, he said no.

I replied β€œcan I at least Taekwondo?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forkingbread
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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Weebs be like
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amp3rsand_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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How did I get out of Iraq?

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/subhi2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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I grew facial hair without telling anyone.

It's my secret 'stache.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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What is Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinbastrd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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Queue is just one letter followed by four silent letters

They must be waiting for their turn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/divinetaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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My friend told me he was Jewish.

I was like, β€œNo way!” And he was like, β€œYahweh.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zephyrcoco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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I can’t Handel this.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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Entertainment puns

I have two favorite titles that are extremely clever puns.

β€œShawn the Sheep” β€œDexter”

β€œShawn the Sheep” is a sly play on the dialect of the characters in the animation. β€œShawn” and β€œshorn” have the same pronunciation in the dialect of the outskirts of Bristol, UK.

β€œDexter” is a wonderful Latin pun. β€œDexter” is the word for β€œright” and β€œSinister” is the implied compliment, the word for β€œleft” in Latin. Dexter is a series about a serial killer who only murders those guilty of crimes. His name in Latin implies he is the opposite of sinister, right or just.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serendipindy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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My son just became a father for the first time today…

And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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Ringing in my ears? That doesn't work for me.

How about tomorrownitus?

*Pronunciation may vary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop with a pair of torn pants.

"Euripides?" says the tailor. "Yeah, Eumenides?" replies the man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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If Nike sold bikes...

Would the correct pronunciation be 'Nike Bike' or 'Nike Bike?'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roderie94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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I don't understand why aquatic mammals are even necessary.

I mean, what porpoise do they serve?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FickleFoundation
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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The French really hated the English

They even eliminated tea entirely from their pronunciations.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesmondKenway
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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The other day someone asked if I could name the Japanese term for those ninja throwing stars.

I said, "Sure I can."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuez_jr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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Wanna hear dadjokeszcΕΊ?

My English teacher once told me to polish my pronunciation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Pun request

I know this is not normal, but can you guys make a pun from the name Kasper? It’s for his birthday

I understand if this post gets removed

Edit: english pronunciation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thor1515
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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What’s a locksmith’s favorite kind of pasta?

Gnocchi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deucedeuce24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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What would an association run by professional nuns focus on?

Pronunciation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stitch1294
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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I should call my wifi Martin Router King

Its password would be "I_have_a_stream"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/king4coke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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I'm just gamma leave this here... imgur.com/gallery/CxeqriE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morris_Less
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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Why shouldn't you wear Ukrainian underwear?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/helloinvader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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My dad cracked himself up pretty good with this one

My dad and I talking about some statistic

Me- "You need to just look at the data."

Dad-"Day-tuh." (correcting my pronunciation which he does any chance he can get)

Me-"Data."

Dad-"No, I'm dada."

Groans shared by his girlfriend and I while he cracks up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodofmy_blood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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My 2 year old is learning her colors

but doesn't always have the best pronunciation. When tasked with saying "yellow" it comes out more like "yay-yo." My Dad was visiting us this weekend, her grandfather, and when talking to her about the color he said "Yay-yo is my favorite color!" To which I replied "It was Tony Montana's, too, you'd better be careful."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killboy_Powerhead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2016
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Got me twice in 10 seconds...

My dad keeps some hand sanitizer on-hand next to him in his car. As my dad was driving, I saw that there was a bit of hand sanitizer that had spilled onto his cup holder.

Me: Hey dad, did you spill purell?

Dad: P-U-R-E-L-L.

Me: What?

Dad: You asked me if I spelled purell, but I didn't so now I did!

Me: groans Okay Dad, did you spill purell?? [Emphasized pronunciation of word]

Dad No I didn't spill purell... because that's germ-x.

Me: groaning intensifies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIKAN_DESU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Proud of my gf for this one

Background: I moved to Europe recently and got a European girlfriend. One of my favourite things to do with her is when she tries to correct my horrible pronunciation I just keep repeating the word the same way and she keeps trying to correct me until she realizes.

So this happens when we were talking about MΓΌnchen. I said "Munch'n" (on purpose) and she said something like Moonkien. This went back and forth until I said "Munch'n... Oh man I love this game" to which she replied "Munch'n, how do you play that game?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattmcd87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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How to pronounce 'scythe'

So last night at dinner, I was discussing with my brother the pronunciation of the letter 'y' in the word 'scythe.' Me: "It's pronounced scythe!" (Sounds like eye) Brother: "No, it's scythe!" (Like sith) Me: "Mom, as an English major how is it pronounced?" Dad: "I don't think the British know that much about Star Wars." Me: "Mother, why did you marry him?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darth_Tazan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2015
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When my Dad put his name down at a restaurant his name would be "Zeus". When the someone inquired about his odd name he would say "it's short for "Jesus"

Jesus being the Latin pronunciation. Extra credit, he's hella white.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FR0GWISE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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