My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
A genius researcher stormed into my office today
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around, eventually.
I just told a dad joke so shit my wife shouted at me and stormed off (not a joke)
She said I wish you would put as much effort into life as you do your shitty jokes. It wasnt even that bad.
The man on the news said "...in the run up to christmas stores are already announcing record sales"
I said "thats not news HMV* announces record sales everyday".
*HMV is a music shop.
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, "You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"
I said, "No, not particularly."
I stormed into the library today demanding to know why the book on high conflict personalities I'd ordered still wasn't in.
"It's not our fault" said the librarian,
"That's the one" I replied.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
A Jamaican man has stormed into my hairdressers and demanded I give him a new style
The police stormed a kindergarten today.
A bunch of book names stormed a coastal newspaper.
It was called a title wave.
This kid in my shop class got so frustrated, he threw down his saw and stormed out.
Poor guy just couldn’t cope.
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for fresh prints
Rudolph the red and his wife were on a stroll. Rudolph the red looked up at the sky and said "we should hurry up, there is a storm comming". So his wife asked "how do u know" and he replied...
"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"
What do you call a bunch of racist red necks storming the Capitol Building?
Why do Storm Troopers shop at Wal Mart?
Because they couldn’t find the Target
AH FRICK THEY'RE STORMING THE BAKERY
A storms-a-brewin
https://preview.redd.it/h71e7hb70n461.png?width=1863&format=png&auto=webp&s=d0f5d4b28470665da8792b2105f06c80ad73750c
I told a group of storm troopers “Happy Pew Year....”
But they totally missed the punchline.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Apparently that new tropical storm is really hard to track. I keep seeing on the news TROPICAL STORM ETA
but they never say when it’ll hit.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
Our house got hit with a pretty big storm last night and I lost 25% of my roof.
Do you play Heroes of the Storm?
Because i got hots for you
All these storms are hitting the Gulf Coast a lot quicker than usual.
Must be why they call them hurry-canes.
The current storm in the gulf has caused flooding, but pales in comparison to Hurricane Harvey.
Some may even call it Beta
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
There's a rather unknown Greek myth that involved Zeus farting so loudly that it caused powerful lightning storms all over Greece. Panic and chaos ensued, and there was widespread looting as fires raged out on control.
Thus began the Zeus Toot Riots.
Horse walks into a bar during a storm
He's panting like he'd just been for a run
Asks for a drink
Bartender asks what he was up to, why's he so out of breath?
Horse says "I was trying to get out of the Reins"
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All i did was pick up sticks and bark.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
Storm hit today, we lost power
It's ok, we're trying our best to find it
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
My boat flipped over during a storm, so I decided to wear it on my head. After all...
Did you hear about the storms that hit the boy scouts at camp last night ?
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters:
Summer, April, and Haley.
What do you call a sad storm?
Sea Captain
A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.
He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.
((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))
What do you call a storm that’s raining cats and dogs?
I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea
I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing
The wedding went off without a hitch.
The groom stormed off and all the guests started fighting.
Did you guys hear about the guy who meditated in the middle of a storm?
He said it was a very “in lightening” experience.
How do you find Will Smith after a snow storm?
You follow the fresh prints
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for the fresh prints
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
A storm blew away 75% of my roof
I know a dad whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters:
Summer, April, and Haley.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
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