A soup pun

I ordered a quart of matzoh ball soup from the restaurant across the street. They usually put two matzoh balls per order, but I asked if I could have a third. The guy on the phone said he'd try to fit the extra one in.

When I went to pick up the soup, I asked the guy if he was able to get the third one in the container, and he said "Yup, the ball's in your quart now".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadCorey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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From my 8yr old: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup!

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsame_Daario
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup.

I call it "Letter Rip."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sesh458
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a duck put in it’s soup?

Quackers.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DismalSeagull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soup factory run by strippers?

A brothel

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xkelsx1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How many beans do you need to make the perfect bean soup?

239.

Because one more would be too farty.

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday

And this morning I had a huge vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call Vietnamese soup that is really, really good?

Pho-nomenal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/w00tah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you trust the alphabet soup?

There are so many M-pastas.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?

Souper size

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Who was the pharaoh of noodle soup?

Tutankramen

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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The soup's gone bad.
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mee-thee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was little my parents always have me alphabet soup claiming that I liked it but they were just...

...putting words in my mouth

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....

Times new ramen!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A horsefly landed in my soup
  • And broke my legs.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartinsChair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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*Snail soup*
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeltedSSD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Thin soup
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markrakosfalvy
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make trash soup?

It's easy!

Dump, stir.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicoddeffect
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the most acidic soup?

Ph0

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProbablyMaybeBen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it

But I didn’t! All they were doing was putting words in my mouth!

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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If I want to make Escargot and turtle soup for dinner....

Do I need to use a slow cooker?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sjdiver2001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make golden soup?

You add 24 carrots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pat1122
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, β€œDo you want to hear today’s special?”

I said, β€œYes please.”

Waiter: β€œNo problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday

I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of soup?

Sodown

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The harsh reality of soup court v.redd.it/gb9mcsnnk9a51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/observer2017
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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A waitress asked me: β€œSoup or salad?”

I said just a regular salad would be fine

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ayahuascafarts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.

He was a Ramen Catholic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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A friend suggested I added herbs to my soup.

Sage advice.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a can of soup. CAN I open it

Yes I CAN

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siriman432
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do dragons like with their soup?

Firecrackers.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dane-Direct
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bowl of soup held upside down?

A Sodown

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuccYuMum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A news report claims terrorists have begun putting explosives inside cans of Alphabetti Soup.

If one goes off it could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast-beef and pea-soup?

Anyone can roast Beef.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/death-to-turtles
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Soup
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WateryParadox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Best soup to make with your dog?
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/funkasauresrex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I o, let's go, make soup
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FredoCorleone8898
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone told me that getting older is like making a soup and continually adding more spices in as you age.

I guess that explains why all these old folks are so salty.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MunchOnDat
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Soup
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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Want Soup?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Just been to Noel and Liam Gallaghers new restaurant and had Oasis soup

You get a roll with it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call soup traveling at the speed of light

Fast food

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffeemist90881
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How much do dumplings weigh?

Wonton

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I bet my wife I could form a full sentence out of the noodles in my alphabet soup

Man did I eat my words

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaltzWithPotatos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a negative can of soup?

A soup can't

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bionic_Sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Some say my soup is too thick and I'm too pessimistic

I just don't put a lot of stock in soup.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mildmannered
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my Granddaughter be careful with that Chinese take out soup it’s heavy-

It’s Won-Ton

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boipaul27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you eat too much alphabet soup?

You have a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brt_k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife decided to put a bunch of leftover chicken bones in the crockpot so we can make a lot of soup at home as this thing drags on

When it was done she said "we're all stocked up!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewUser579169
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soup fit for Vietnamese royalty?

Pho-king good!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Grandpa: Who would eat Beetroot Soup Cookies?

Me: Gramps, it says Butternut Snap Cookie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A man orders soup at a restaurant

He orders turtle soup, the waiter takes his order and starts to walk off. The main suddenly sees his favourite pea soup and calls back the waiter. The man says "Waiter im terrible sorry but would you mind holding the turtle and make it pea?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Platypus_Dundee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I made 10 gallons of a base for chicken soup.

I’m all stocked up.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrodoSagginsz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I just threw up a bunch of alphabet soup

I think I may have Smith-Corona virus

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Makes a mean turtle soup
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesr14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My family and I got wonton soup but we needed one more,

so now we have twoton soup.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/s1ncha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the jeweler make soup

He used 24 carats

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered 2000lbs of Chinese soup

It was Won Ton

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealZy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does the food go at the all male soup kitchen?

Indigents

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.

I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
ew, this soup is the borscht

this soup is the worst

(jk borscht is the best. we have a generational recipe for it. I am ashamed of myself for even posting this and my ancestors shame me from the heavens)

haha I'll see you guys next time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Galden96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My Alphabet soup took a poop the other day

Vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceManBalls83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
People who are afraid of strong preferences for Vietnamese soups have...

pho bias phobias.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?

Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sick of this sub

I should have gone with the soup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNeutralParty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop

Dr. Dre

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When I eat alphabet soup I only eat the A E I O U (and sometimes Y) out of it

So later I can have a nice big vowel movement. 😎 Affectionately, Dad

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.

Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elizaa22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
For Christmas dinner, we all had a bowl of alphabet soup.

Unfortunately, in my soup, there was Noel.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyZillion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I really like soup du jour

Except it tastes different everywhere I go.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My son said that he didnt like alphabet soups

So I prepared him a times new ramen.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KatKume
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Liam Gallagher argued that soup was the best value meal you could get, because

You got a roll with it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, at lunch, my wife almost threw out her leftover wonton soup.

I immediately stopped her and asked for a to go container. I won’t stand by and allow acts of wonton destruction.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oriehd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, β€œI’ll take a turtle soup...

and make it snappy”.

I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Marcellus-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Wonton soup

Should weigh 2000lbs.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I just ate 2000 pounds of Chinese soup

It was Won Ton

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoPlayer1323
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MsSoperfec
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magicmitchmtl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was little, my parents always fed me alphabet soup, claiming that I liked it, but they were just...

...putting words in my mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you turn soup into gold?

Add 24 carrots

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes...

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XQZahme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can learn to roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 582
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of soup?

Sodown

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icy9kills
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
You need exactly 239 beans to make Irish soup because if you add one more it becomes too farty.
πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard what Japan have instead of alphabet soup?

Times new ramen

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more and it'll be too-farty

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BluePantera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
In memory of my Dad, here’s his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonka88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm sure you've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for..

Times New Ramen

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Alphabet Soup is great an all..

But, I prefer Times New Ramen.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArshmanR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Waiter: your soup Me: no I'm not
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaEggo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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