Nacho son anymore
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
π︎ 15k
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︎ Dec 30 2020
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
π︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"
Dad: "To avoid such questions."
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 12 2021
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, βIs it to scale?β I replied, βNoβ¦β
π︎ 18k
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︎ Nov 23 2020
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Son : Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses ?
No Son, have you seen my Dad glasses..
π︎ 560
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︎ Jan 15 2021
My son kept chewing on all the electrical chords we had set up for the holidays, so I grounded him...
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...
π︎ 108
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
π︎ 15k
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︎ Oct 23 2020
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My son asked me, βDad, what are condoms used for?β
I said, βUsually to avoid answering questions like this one.β
π︎ 1k
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︎ Dec 15 2020
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
π︎ 211
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︎ Dec 26 2020
My son asked me how often planes crash
π︎ 125
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︎ Jan 14 2021
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
π︎ 657
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My son asked me "where does poo come from?" I was a little flustered, but did my best to explain about food, stomach, intestines, digestion, etc.
He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"
π︎ 91
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︎ Jan 11 2021
My son asked me if I knew any good chemistry jokes as he'd just had his first chemistry class. I thought about telling him one about alkalinity...
But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'
π︎ 35
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Son: Dad what rhymes with purple?
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 12 2021
My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...
... I haven't peed since last year!"
I couldn't be more proud
π︎ 169
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︎ Jan 01 2021
You never listen, son.
π︎ 78
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 177
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︎ Dec 18 2020
My son kept dropping scrabble tiles.
I got angry,
'Calm down Dad, it's just a game' he said
Well, I replied
'It's all fun and games until somebody loses an 'I' '
π︎ 33
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
π︎ 374
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I knocked my son's tooth out with a hatchet yesterday.
π︎ 112
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?
π︎ 16
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︎ Jan 03 2021
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift
π︎ 13
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My wife looked at me beaming with pride and said, βWow! I never thought our son could go so far!β
I said, βI know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.β
π︎ 60
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Son: βWhat crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?β
Dad: βWell Iβm no legal expert, but I suspect thereβd be some trees in there.β
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Son: Dad, will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
Dad: I just can't see them taking off.
π︎ 29
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︎ Dec 30 2020
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
π︎ 46
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︎ Dec 24 2020
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
π︎ 35
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︎ Jan 15 2021
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Sep 30 2020
I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 03 2021
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
π︎ 190
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I put my son on a nap
π︎ 20
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︎ Jan 08 2021
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
π︎ 54
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︎ Nov 11 2020
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
π︎ 29
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My son asked me why rattlesnakes have rattles on them
π︎ 28
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︎ Jan 11 2021
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
π︎ 37
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I took a picture of my son sleeping earlier today.
Then I sent the picture to the FBI as evidence of a kid napping.
π︎ 56
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︎ Dec 23 2020
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"
So I say, "It's been training"
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 31 2020
My pet ted just found out he's not my biological son. So I had to tell him..
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 09 2021
"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" I chuckled, "No son, it wouldn't be right." He sighed...
"Well, at least you could try."
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 05 2021
I'm struggling to secure a ps5 for my son.
π︎ 35
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︎ Dec 17 2020
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
π︎ 255
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︎ Nov 11 2020
My son made me a whale figure
It was really whale made!
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 14 2021
From my 13 y/o son
Heβs trying to cut a panini sandwich and said βThis knife is not gonna cut it.β
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 30 2020
From my son -- What kind of cheese is the moon made of?
Moonster.
(Full disclosure: I'm not sure if my son heard this elsewhere, but it killed me.)
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. Heβs doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
π︎ 19k
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︎ Aug 08 2020
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."
π︎ 35
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?
π︎ 43
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︎ Jan 03 2021
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