Nacho son anymore
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mastermithi29
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelprstn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"

Dad: "To avoid such questions."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, β€œIs it to scale?” I replied, β€œNo…”

β€œIt’s to look at.”

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?

A-TEN-SON!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Packaging69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Son : Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses ?

No Son, have you seen my Dad glasses..

πŸ‘︎ 560
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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My son kept chewing on all the electrical chords we had set up for the holidays, so I grounded him...

He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Dad to his son; β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”

Son; β€œGo on, then.”

Dad growls; β€œNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

Son; β€œThat’s Superman.”

Dad; β€œThanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exmoor456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 868
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My son asked me, β€œDad, what are condoms used for?”

I said, β€œUsually to avoid answering questions like this one.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me how often planes crash

Usually just once

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.

He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"

"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."

πŸ‘︎ 657
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me "where does poo come from?" I was a little flustered, but did my best to explain about food, stomach, intestines, digestion, etc.

He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ez-pz-lemon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if I knew any good chemistry jokes as he'd just had his first chemistry class. I thought about telling him one about alkalinity...

But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meta-Fox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad what rhymes with purple?

Me: No it doesn't.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anvesh_parab
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...

... I haven't peed since last year!"

I couldn't be more proud

πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcschnazz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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You never listen, son.
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poedan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My son kept dropping scrabble tiles.

I got angry,

'Calm down Dad, it's just a game' he said

Well, I replied

'It's all fun and games until somebody loses an 'I' '

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h8monster0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.

which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 374
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I knocked my son's tooth out with a hatchet yesterday.

It was axedental.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astreauxs5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?

Dad: No, son

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift

He said it blows.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SupremeBaconist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife looked at me beaming with pride and said, β€œWow! I never thought our son could go so far!”

I said, β€œI know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.”

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: β€œWhat crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?”

Dad: β€œWell I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Son: Dad, will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?

Dad: I just can't see them taking off.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AviationChic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine

Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place

Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada

He said he got an "eh".

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_draw_the_comics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My son might not be the best roofer in the world

But he is up there

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainSpy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I put my son on a nap

He's a kid napper now

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chizhi1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epona14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"

"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked me why rattlesnakes have rattles on them

It's a cautionary tail

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"

"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I took a picture of my son sleeping earlier today.

Then I sent the picture to the FBI as evidence of a kid napping.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"

So I say, "It's been training"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My pet ted just found out he's not my biological son. So I had to tell him..

"you're a-dog-ted"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puzzlemaster1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" I chuckled, "No son, it wouldn't be right." He sighed...

"Well, at least you could try."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm struggling to secure a ps5 for my son.

He's inconsolable.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Digitek50
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 255
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My son made me a whale figure

It was really whale made!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikobjectbook
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
From my 13 y/o son

He’s trying to cut a panini sandwich and said β€œThis knife is not gonna cut it.β€œ

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigRiverMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
From my son -- What kind of cheese is the moon made of?

Moonster.

(Full disclosure: I'm not sure if my son heard this elsewhere, but it killed me.)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fermatajack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"

I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?

Dad: No, son

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report

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