I told him "Nah, that's a door"
The Owl Jizz Era News.
It got pissed off!
My buddy and I were texting a few days ago. He was complaining about the power at his place being out again (relevant, he’s lost power a few times already this winter season). Our exchange went like this:
Him: How about electricity? Wind storm knocked ours out around noon.
Me: No electricity? That’s not shocking.
I couldn’t help myself.
. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,
“Nobody puts baby in a coroner”
Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?
Woman: Why should I?
Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW
Woman: What does that even mean?
Crow: Its four a good caws
Bug responds: “I mite be.”
Fly: “Stupidest Pun I Ever Heard”
Bug: “What do you expect... I made it up on the fly”
Hemorrhoids are an enormous pain in the ass
He turned to me and said "You mean insex?"
Came out of Starbucks with my daughter and asked, "I just bought a frozen chai, but they couldn't get it out of the blender. You know why?"
Her: "No, what happened?"
"Because it was really, really chai!"
Her: "Jeez, Dad. That was bad, even by your standards."
I love my girl. And it's her real-life cakeday!
Watching the Tudors:
Her: what's the difference between a duke and an earl? Me: it's mostly based on order of arrival. Her: what do you mean? Me: well one's earlier...
He got pissed off!
He got pissed off.
He got pissed off
