This is my and my daughters favorite joke
I thought I thaw a pussycat.
The piece a cord.
The itty-bitty Kitty committee!
But alas he is only a mere cat"
It was on PAWS!
She didn’t want to litter.
Because he had a cataract!
I got this joke from an interview with Melissa McCarthy who said that was one of her favorite jokes and now it's one of mine too!
...is a failure to spay or neuter your pet considered littering?
Cat puns really freak meowt. I'm not kitten here...
He's a catoholic
“I don’t want to get up,” she replied. “Will you carry me?
“No,” I replied. “Get up and go to bed.”
“But I’m too tired. Carry Me?”
“No! You’re like 90 pounds now. You’re too heavy.” I said.
“Well then, pretend I’m the kitten,” she said and grinned.
So I picked up the squirt bottle and sprayed her in the face.
She didn't like my pet project.
"No," replied the owner, "all of our kittens go meow."
CATsup. Literally from the mouth of my TWO year old. Hes gonna go far!
His stage name is The Wizard of Awwws.
By using paws.
It was a cat-astrophe.
A cat on a hot tin woof
It was a Mewtiny!
The one with the lowest mew.
Why did you name him that?
"Haven't you seen Lion King? He's named after the meerkat!"
That is not a meerkat, it is a mere cat.
Interaction with my stepsister. She was not amused.
Really nailed it, poor thing went flying. My seven year old son says from the passenger seat, "Dad, that was.... CATastrophic."
Felt bad for the cat, but pretty damn proud of my son.
GF got me while discussing the name Kitten.
Me: "Do you know anyone with the name Kitten?"
GF: "No, but sounds like a stripper name."
Me: "What would her last name be?"
GF: "You don't understand?? You've got to be kitten me."
"I was thinking that when you take your cat to the vets in the car, does that make it a carpet?"
After a visit to the vets to be micro-chipped the other day; discovered Seamus is actually a girl kitten.
I guess she's more of a Seamiss.