You're in a cave, faced by a lion, a bear and a jaguar, with a gun and one bullet. What do you do?

Shoot the lion, drink the beer and drive away in the jaguar.

👍︎ 5
👤︎ u/denandbil
📅︎ Jul 23 2019
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What do you do if you see a jaguar in the wild?

open it's door, get in and drive away

👍︎ 15
👤︎ u/Fanakoru
📅︎ Dec 20 2018
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What do you get if you cross a lion and a jaguar?


👍︎ 7
📅︎ Apr 28 2019
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I spotted a jaguar today.

Now it looks like a leopard.

👍︎ 37
👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Feb 16 2019
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There was once a mole who loved oranges...

However, the mole couldn't reach them from the high trees and he struggled to climb them. Luckily, there was a tall giraffe who offered to help and got the oranges down for the mole.

The mole would go up to the giraffe every morning and ask him for some oranges. The giraffe would happily oblige but little by little he would get more irritated. One day, the giraffe finally got mad and told the mole to see the badger who could make a tool to help him get the oranges down from the tree.

The mole trundled over to the badger and asked him to make him a tool to help with the orange problem. The badger happily agreed to help and went into his shed. For a few days after: cutting, grinding and sawing could be heard coming from his shed when he finally emerged with a 4-pointed tool. He then proceeded to demonstrate the 4-point tool by sticking it into an orange and allowing the juice from which to drain down the arm of the tool.

The mole was extremely happy and excited by his new magnificent 4-point tool and showed everyone it's amazing capabilities. After a while, however, he realised he had shown it to pretty much everyone. Then he remembered the black cat resting under the oak tree. So he walked over to the tree and tried to show the black cat the 4-point tool. The cat said he couldn't see it properly and asked the mole to come closer. The mole took a few steps forward. Again, the black cat requested the mole to come closer and the mole cautiously stepped closer. Finally the black cat lunged forward and ate the 4-point tool.

The mole couldn't believe it and exclaimed, "Why did you do that?"

To which the black cat replied, "Oh haven't you heard? I am a 4-point tool eater Jaguar!"

👍︎ 2
👤︎ u/alecroc
📅︎ Sep 01 2018
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My jag

My jaguar hybrid runs on Li-ions though.

👍︎ 8
👤︎ u/jonstew
📅︎ Jul 24 2017
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So the Rolling Stones lead singer is planning to merge a fast food chain with a car manufacturer.

He's calling it McJaguar.

👍︎ 4
👤︎ u/clifwith1f
📅︎ Jun 15 2018
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So, my dad's driving a rental car...

Normally, my dad drives a more luxurious car, but he's rented some model of Toyota since one of the tires on his car is blown out. My brother and I are sitting in the back and as he's fiddling with the buttons, my brother says,

"Hey, dad, where are the buttons for the heated seats?"

To which my father sharply replies, "They're in the Jaguar."

👍︎ 4
👤︎ u/QuiteRadical
📅︎ Jan 03 2014
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Overheard at a car dealership. "What kind of car do you have now?"

"I have a Wishitwasa."


"Yeah, Wishitwasa Ferrari... Wishitwasa a Mercedes... Wishitwasa a Jaguar... a Wishitwasa."

Followed by a short sigh and, "I'll take whatever I can afFORD."

The ole' dad joke twofer.

👍︎ 11
📅︎ Mar 22 2015
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