I'm a cougar but when I'm spotted, I'm the fastest thing ever..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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What do you call a cougar that loves to dance?

Conga-lion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SINFAXI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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If you fuck a hot older chick you fuck a cougar but if she's married she's a cheetah
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Query_Friend
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
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Cougar Town

It was Christmas and the whole family was sitting around watching tv. My mother saw that Cougar Town and she put it on. then my father said " I am a little disappointed, i thought we were going to watch something about animals". After he said this, the whole room face palmed and he sat there and laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HekticLobster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
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We were watching a documentary on African wildlife, and my son asked me, β€œIs it difficult to spot cheetahs?”

Me: No, I think they come that way.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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A mountain lion has over 40 different names in English.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/69pussywrecker69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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Where do baby watermelons go during the summer?

John Cougar Mellencamp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/michael4459
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Which summer camp do Melons go to?

The John Cougar Mellencamp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slartibartfastBB
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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I've never killed a mountain lion with my bare hands before,

but I've choked a few cougars...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasismyname_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Where do Cantaloupes send there children for the summer?

To the John Cougar Mellencamp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jduluoz25
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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New book recommendations from Dad!

Brown Spots on the Wall by Woo Flung Poo

Yellow River by I. P. Nightly

Under The Bleachers by Seymour Bawtz

40 Yards to the Outhouse written by Will E. Mayket, illustrated by Betty Whont

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebemily
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2013
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Where do cantaloupes and honeydews go for summer vacation?

John Cougar's Melon Camp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/palmal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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Heard this from my step dad

Mom: Careful running on the trail, there have been cougar sightings.

Step Dad: I'm sure you'll be fine. You can outrun those older women no problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cory3410
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2015
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Overheard this dad joke while at work.

My coworkers were talking about the wilderness and how mountain lions and the like have been coming down into more populated areas and down by the lake.

Then another coworker chimed in with, "I heard you can find cougars at the bars"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midnightblade
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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Bar pickup

Girl says to me: I just graduated from school and now I work for a nonprofit called "The Panther Club".

Me: in ten years will it be "The Cougar Club?"

Didn't work.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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At the Zoo today.

So we were walking in the North American section of the Columbus Zoo, and I see a dad point his two young kids at an exhibit and say "Look kids, a cougar!" He paused a moment and then added "You can see them in bars too."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krenjin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2015
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Where do little watermelons go for the summer?

John Cougar Meloncamp.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
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After a late hockey game.

In the locker room we were talking about marathon runners, and our goalie says: "Yeah those Kenyan's always win, you'd be fast too if there were lions chasing you." To which I replied: "I've never seen a lion on any marathon course." One of our defensemen, who just fathered twins pipes up: "Yeah, but there are plenty of cougars."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Roadtrip dad to dad joke

Visiting the grandparents with my parents, we decided to take a long drive out to a place my grandpa hasn't been a long time.

Grandpa: Last time I was out here a cougar ran across the road right in front of me!

Dad: Was it a blonde or brunette?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beefsalad17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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Camping in the desert...

Mom "What if we get visited by cougars tonight?"

Dad "Don't worry, they'll probably want younger men."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_chameleon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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