Raccoon Puns

"I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger'.

And said, "Sorry, everyone is allowed only one piece of carrion."

Because their diet is trash.

Because they said I was entitled to 10 kgs of carrion luggage

He would probably cost you an arm and a leg

She said, "That's how it seams"

What do you know, you’re full of it!

The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, you're each only allowed one carrion."

A Raguun!

rabbis.

Me: "Dad, I just saw a raccoon!"

Dad: "Did it have a mask on its face?"

Me: "Yeah, it did!"

Dad: "Then how do you know it was a raccoon?"

I said lets stop, get its tail and she could bring it in for show n' tail.

She slowly lowered her head and face palmed.

And a lifetime ban at the zoo

1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

13. I wondered why the baseball kept

A vulture tried to board a plane carrying two dead raccoons, but the flight attendant stopped it and said, "Sorry, we only allow one carrion."

A vulture was boarding a plane with a racoon in each hand. The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, sir. Only one carion is allowed per passenger. "

My status: Any tips on how to keep raccoons from eating my corn crop? I'm all ears. But seriously raccoons are assholes.

Dad friend responds back to back.

"There's a kernel of truth to that statement!"

"But shucks, poor guys can't help it."

"Maybe get your dog to start stalking them."

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

We were in a blind (basically a camouflage tent or stand for those of you that may not know) and I asked him for a stick to move the spiders and he replies, "Why? They are just hanging out!"

About thirty minutes later, we see a raccoon eating corn he had set down earlier that day. This conversation followed:

Me: What do raccoons eat here?

Him: Corn.

Me: ...And when there isn't corn?

Him: People.

For those that are curious; no, I didn't move the spiders.