"I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger'.
And said, "Sorry, everyone is allowed only one piece of carrion."
Because they said I was entitled to 10 kgs of carrion luggage
He would probably cost you an arm and a leg
She said, "That's how it seams"
What do you know, you’re full of it!
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, you're each only allowed one carrion."
Me: "Dad, I just saw a raccoon!"
Dad: "Did it have a mask on its face?"
Me: "Yeah, it did!"
Dad: "Then how do you know it was a raccoon?"
I said lets stop, get its tail and she could bring it in for show n' tail.
She slowly lowered her head and face palmed.
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.
I wondered why the baseball kept
A vulture tried to board a plane carrying two dead raccoons, but the flight attendant stopped it and said, "Sorry, we only allow one carrion."
A vulture was boarding a plane with a racoon in each hand. The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, sir. Only one carion is allowed per passenger. "
My status: Any tips on how to keep raccoons from eating my corn crop? I'm all ears. But seriously raccoons are assholes.
Dad friend responds back to back.
"There's a kernel of truth to that statement!"
"But shucks, poor guys can't help it."
"Maybe get your dog to start stalking them."
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
We were in a blind (basically a camouflage tent or stand for those of you that may not know) and I asked him for a stick to move the spiders and he replies, "Why? They are just hanging out!"
About thirty minutes later, we see a raccoon eating corn he had set down earlier that day. This conversation followed:
Me: What do raccoons eat here?
Me: ...And when there isn't corn?
For those that are curious; no, I didn't move the spiders.