What was troubling the Deer leader of the Elk socialist republic?

The Stagnation of the Buck

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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Why couldn't the elk be identified?

Because it was anonymoose

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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Things were not looking well for the elk and the bat that were in hospital after a car accident

They were hanging on to deer life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaledonianWarrior
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Grandma elks don't like fame.

They'd rather just stay a nonna moose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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I'm thinking of getting into elk taxidermy

I hear it's how you make the big bucks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch3000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
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What did the undercover elk use to communicate with his agency?

Moose Code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurryWalnut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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What do you call it when an elk makes sequential long and short noises?

Moose code.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RavelordN1T0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
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What do you call an elk who is dressed for Halloween?

A scarybou.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PCup
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2017
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What is the favorite band of an Elk ?

Muse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rlmflores
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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I thought about telling a joke on here about a myopic elk...

...but decided it was just a bad eye deer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flayan514
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2017
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Elks Do It

My father-in-law tends to tell jokes in the first person. So, not "Hey, did you hear the one about the Aggie..." but "I was talking to my buddy Joe who is an Aggie...." This means you never quite know when the joke is coming.

Today: "I was talking to my buddy, and I mentioned: 'Did you know elks have intercourse 15 times a day?'" He said, "Oh shit, I just went out and joined the Knights of Columbus!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaylonWillie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2013
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Mess with the deer...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schiller_27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Pun pet names.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck nam

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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Girlfriend got me good while entering the elevator.

The door opened and I said: "After you my dear". Her response: "Thank you my elk"!

It took me a while to realize it, but damn I'm proud.

Edit: Geez thanks for all the entertaining comments, I woke up to a plethora of notifications! I appreciate it everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rskrely
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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This sign i found
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtomFoxx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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Three clowns and the tracks in the forest

Three clowns were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first clown said, β€˜Β€ΒœThose are deer tracks.’€

The second clown said, β€˜Β€ΒœNo, those are elk tracks.’€

The third clown said, β€˜Β€ΒœYou’€™re both wrong, those are moose tracks.’€

The clowns were still arguing when the train hit them.

https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/three-clowns-and-the-tracks-in-the-forest/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Got my son.

Me, driving at dawn with eldest son: "Woah, deer!"

Son (11 years old): "Wow there's a lot of them. They must stay out all night."

Me: "Yes. They are ... party animals."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrb975
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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Genies work differently than you think they do (long joke)

A man walks into a peculiar bar. There’s a small man no more than a foot tall playing the piano in the corner, men with horns and many other odd things. He noticed people huddled around a table. He walks up to the bartender and asks β€œwhat’s going on over there?” The bartender replies,” oh it’s a game, if you win a genie will grant you one wish”. β€œReally! Can I wish for anything!?” The Bartender says β€œyup just be specific and enunciate. Trust me” β€œHow do you play!?” The man asks excitedly β€œIt’s simple if you roll snake eyes you win. Everyone gets one chance and no more” The man runs over the the table and waits his turn. Once he gets up to the table he rolls snake eyes, he’s ecstatic. A genie appears over the table and says”you get one wish” The man is jumping up and down in excitement. He can hear the bartender saying something but ignores him and says”I want a million bucks!” The genie says”done” snaps his fingers and disappears. In that moment one million male deer, elk, antelope

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirOrville
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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I thought /r/puns might enjoy these

A couple puns.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."


There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-REDDlT-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2012
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I have a lion's heart

And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewShoulderNeeded
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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A three-reader face-palmer of a dadjoke

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CattMristoff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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Got my entire office with this one!

What do you get when the Does in your Elk herd suddenly doubles? More bang for your Bucks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jolom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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Got Dad joked by an old biker at the bar last night

At the bar last night this old biker had on a Halo 3 shirt. Making small talk, I jokingly asked him if he was a big gamer. He replied that hes shot an elk or two before. I was speechless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/triflinofay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
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Dad joked by my Dad on Father's Day.

Sent my dad a text to wish him Happy Father's Day. ( My Dad loves texting so that's why I did it in a text ) He mentioned that he was part of the Elks Serving Club. I asked what he did in the club and here was the exchange.

Dad: No song singing here!! We raise money for small charities, etc... Have the odd drink!! lol

Me: The odd drink, eh?

Dad: Yep, don't touch the even ones.

Me: Ha ha

Dad: We have the 1st, 3rd, 5th, 7th, etc...

Me: I get it. What do you do with the even ones?

Dad: Don't count them!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deetoria
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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