9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...

Because the rock is a little meteor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot4601
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
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Why did the carnivore become an astronaut?

For the meatier showers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate_hawwk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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A vegan and a carnivore eat at the same table but don't argue.

Because they don't have beef for each other.

Credits: My 5 year old nephew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_guptaji
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I’ve never seen a human survive while living like a carnivore.

If there is, I’d love to meat them.

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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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did you hear the one about the carnivore tree?

It was meaty oaker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/katlilly1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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The carnivore tried some vegetables...

He gave peas a chance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MatrixCthulhu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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People can say that zebras are carnivores

But they'd be lion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sitojaure
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2017
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What's a small, carnivorous mammal's favorite mafia game?

A mongoose :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epickitty_101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Why did the four-legged semiaquatic carnivorous mammal cross the playground?

To get to the otter slide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squibblezombie
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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What do you call a carnivorous weatherman?

A meat-eater-ologist!

πŸ‘︎ 762
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamoWizard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
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What do you call a carnivorous weather person?

A meat-eater-ologist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeshvah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
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What do you call a carnivorous referee?

Ameatyeater mediator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WHARRGARBLLL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
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My first Legit dad joke

At the local Aquarium with my wife and 6month old, walked into the Land a Sea carnivorous mammals (Mostly Otters) exhibit.

Wife: I only see one otter.

Dad(Me): I see anOtter one...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daaboquick
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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At the dinosaur park.

My family and I were trying to teach my little brother about herbivores and carnivores, so when we would look at a dinosaur we would ask him, "What do you think this dinosaur ate?" and he would answer. We got to one dinosaur and my mom says "What do you think this one was? Veggies or meat?" My dad then answers, "I'm no dinosaur expert but I'm thinking it was made out of meat." My dad and I shared a good laugh but my mom was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xioola
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2013
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Dad-joked a friend, then a few days later, karma dad-joked me spectacularly in return

I just came back from a holiday back to the UK to visit friends and family (am an expat).

While we were there we went to a nice community festival, with some great beers. An American friend of a friend proudly proclaimed that he’d bought a pint of red stout.

Looking up at the board, and seeing the name of the beer, my eyes lit up: a golden opportunity had just presented itself.

β€˜Nah mate, that’s not red stout, it’s called Red Stoat. You do know what a stoat is, right?

[confusion]

β€˜Well, it’s a little rodent, a bit like a weasel. You know how you can tell the difference between a stoat and a weasel?’

β€˜Er..’

β€˜Well’, I says, β€˜a weasel is weasily identifiable, and a stoat is stoatally different.’

Cue a puzzled look on the guys face, and a moment’s silence, broken by me and my friend pissing ourselves laughing, not at the joke of course, but at his reaction.

So this was all very well and good, just another in the litany of bad jokes that floats in my wake, and I thought the story ended there.

Karma, however, had other plans…

A few days later, we’re up in the Lake District, walking back to the hotel after a pub dinner. As we’re walking down the road, we see a small carnivorous rodent dragging the recently deceased body of a rabbit back to its home. It was either a stoat, or a weasel, but you know what? I honestly had no way to tell which…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bimshire
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
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