My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
The baby sheep got out of their pen and I impulsively grabbed a sheep with my right hand and a sheep with my left...
I guess I'm just lambidextrous...
I'll show y'all to the door.
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
What do you call a tree thats made out of hands?
A palm tree
I heard someone played Animal Crossing: New Horizons for so long on end they conked out with the console still in their hands.
Looks like someone fell asleep at the Switch.
As part of my community service, I had to hand out cans of pineapple to needy families...
I Doled it out.
My cocaine addiction is getting out of hand
It's time to draw the line.
I need to cut these nails, they are getting out of hand
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
How do you know when things are getting out of hand?
Whoever figured out the 'days of the month correspond with your knuckles' thing had too much time on their hands
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine
Puns about throwing things is getting out of hand.
These jokes about boomerangs are really getting out of hand...
And then back into hand.
Talking to my GF " so I got this from a chick at work today" (hand her a piece of paper) daughter freaks out in the background, "a chick?!? I wanna see I wanna see can I hold it?" Lmao
My son has a real problem with setting things on fire, and it's getting out of hand...
He's been a real pain in my arson.
The "I am your father" part in Star Wars was really out of hand.
Wood you look at that. I've gotta hand it to him, he's carved out a career for himself. gfycat.com/OpulentFrigidB…
My friend broke out crying when I mentioned her hand rash.
It's a touchy subject.
I have Promotional Bracelets to hand out at my comic shop, but people can't let the police see...
They're Contraband
I found out today you can hold air in your hands...
If you catch my drift
Wife got out some mints so I held out my hand
"Gotta pay the tax!" I said.
What tax?
The tic tax!
I was going to learn how to juggle, but I was too afraid things would get out of hand.
And who am I kidding, I just didn't have the balls.
I knew that my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers had gotten out of hand, so it was time to quit...
Cold turkey.
Why does Emperor Palpatine shoot electricity out of his hands?
Because he's in charge.
My ten-year-old son: Dad, did you hear about the barn party after midnight that was getting out of hand?...
... Finally the sheep yells, stop horsing around, I’m trying to sheep. - Love this kid.
After using the restroom the Pope went to dry his hands but had run out of papel towels.
What do you call a tree made out of hands?
A palm tree
