Hand Cream Puns

Disappointment

Palm Sundae

So a penguin decides to go for a drive, as he's heading through town smoke starts pouring out from under his bonnet. Bollocks he thinks and gets it towed to a local mechanic. The mechanics tells him he needs to spend half an hour having a nose to find the problem so the penguin heads off for a walk. Being a nice day he decides to get himself an ice cream, but of course having flippers not hands he gets the ice cream all over his face and beak. The mechanic calls to say he worked out the problem and the penguin heads back. Upon entering the garage the mechanic says " hmmm bad news mate, it looks like youve blown a seal" to which the penguin replies " no, no it's just ice cream "

While I was out with the family getting ice cream, the crowded shop had one of those awkward moments where everyone randomly goes quiet all at the same time - just as the confectioner handed me my ice cream.

I proceeded to ask “Where does someone learn to make ice cream this good?”

Confectioner - “I’m not sure… the morning crew makes the batches”

“Did they learn at sundae school???”

I could not have been prouder with the chorus of groans and chuckles that rang throughout the shop.

...my younger brother asks out loud "What's that guy doing?"

Without a seconds hesitation my dad: "He's just chilling out"

At an outdoor ice cream place when a person gets handed their banana split. Promptly drops his order on the ground and without skipping a beat my brother says "Looks like he got a banana splat."

I was the only family member to laugh

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the “American dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

So my friends and I go out to Dairy Queen and get one of those ice cream cakes in the shape of a pizza. We get home and struggle to cut this diamond of a treat and my friends dad comes over and says:

"Do you boys need a hand? Cutting this should be a pizza cake"

So I was working in the soup and sandwich area of the food chain I work for. A man comes up and asks what soups we have today, which is a common occurrence.

Me: We have chicken noodle, cream of broccoli and...that's it.

Him: oh, I'll have that's it.

It took a minute to realized I just got hit with a dad joke and cracked up. When I hand him his food I made sure to tell him "Here is your that's it" we were both grinning ear to ear from it.

He basically made my night do a 180° with that joke. Thanks random dad for making my night!

My family went to an ice cream place last night particularly known for their milkshakes. It was our turn to order.

Mom: I will have a chocolate shake please.

My sister: I'll have a chocolate shake, too.

Me: I'll have a vanilla shake.

My dad: And I will have a handshake. Sticks out hand towards employee

I love my dad.

Took my precious grandparents to Cold Stone for a late night snack. After waiting line, trying many samples and finally ordering and getting our ice cream, my grandma goes to pay. After some searching, she hands the cashier her rewards card and continues to search for her money. After a little more fumbling, she looks up to see the cashier with a funny look on her face and tells my grandma she can't use that card. My grandma is confused and asks, "why, is it expired?" To which the young girl responds, "no, it's just that we're not Ohmaha Steaks."

My grandma is super embarrassed and my grandpa turns to me and says, "it seems your grandma has a case of cardszheimers."

Her: Ohhhhh my god some girl is spreading cream cheese on her bagel with her finger.

Me: For a school project? This performance art thing is getting out of hand.

He handed me this bowl of ice-cream and it ended up being hardened "Great Stuff" insulation foam covered in chocolate.

Typical Dad prank....

Me: If you're going into the kitchen, can you make me a bowl of ice cream?

Dad: * waves hands * abra cadabra! You're a bowl of ice cream

It was his favorite joke and always got eye rolls from my brother and I. He was practically rolling on the floor when he got to use it on me last night. I will admit, cracked a smile