As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
I actually said this. I dropped a pack of steaks on the floor at the grocery store
I looked down and said "i guess thats how they make ground beef" another customer got a kick out of it.
What sound do you make when you swept the floor too fast?
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe.
I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe!
My wife asked me to vacuum the floor.
I said "come on, that is beneath me"
There was a mushroom on the first floor of my house.
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just quietly slide it under the refrigerator.
Soon it’ll be water under the fridge.
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I have a great joke about the floor and the roof.
It has a lot of potential.
Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor?
Because nature abhors a vacuum
As much as they tried, the ladies couldn't get Mr. Peanut out onto the dance floor.
He was a bit of a wall nut.
What lies on the ocean floor twitching uncontrollably?
Why did the painter shit on the floor?
Perhaps this is why wood floors are so popular these days
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
The banana peel forgot what it was doing on the floor.
Must’ve slipped its mind.
Why did the owner of the mansion put the floors of his mansion on Tinder?
He wanted them to be swept right!
Was in my local gardening centre looking at outdoor floor boards when the owner asked me if I wanted decking?
Luckily I got the first punch in.
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
Climbing through my window on the first floor was easy. But if it was the second floor,
That'd be a different story all together.
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. “Kobe!” I shout. “No.” He says in a disappointed tone...
After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor
Yes, it was the VI P room
I don't like your Italian marble floor.
Well That's like Europinion man
What do you call a cow that fell on the floor
I told my friend a joke and he fell on the floor from laughter
I guess some people cant stand jokes
Woman on the floor: help! Someone call me an ambulance
What kind of floors do Ghosts prefer in their homes?
Bam-Boo floors.
Happy Halloween to all!
What did the first floor say to the second floor?
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
Pixar is making a Finding Nemo sequel where he opens McDonald’s locations on the ocean floor.
It’s called The Flounder.
I feel so bad for the floor..
Everyone just walks all over it
Did you hear about the comedian who fell through some floor boards?
He was just going through a stage
My boyfriend’s cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....
I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.
I said I’m sure they’re fine, it’s just a stage they’re going through.
I own a steakhouse pub in which the counter can actually pop in and out of the floor
Let's say I raised the bar and set the steaks.
What did our lord and savior do when He noticed the temple floor was dirty?
Falling from 3 floors isn’t that bad…
But 4 floors is another story.
What substance do they make disco floors out of?
There’s nothing like the first floor of a house. But the upstairs...
Well that’s a different story.
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.
Soon It’ll just be water under the fridge.
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.
Soon, it’ll be water under the fridge.
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