If you are on the first floor of a building, and someone one the second floor is being arrested, are you...
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︎ May 18 2021
What happens to you if you pee on the floor?
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︎ May 08 2021
I asked my dad why he was cleaning the floor at 2am.
He said he was feeling sweepy
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︎ May 31 2021
As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
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︎ Apr 01 2021
The floor is lava!
You're an idiot gary, we're volcanologists... just get the samples!
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︎ May 19 2021
Be impressed about my top-floor DIY walk-in closet for my denim wear.
You can call me a jean attic engineer
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︎ May 06 2021
I had an argument with my brother about how to get to the next floor in the mall because he refused to use the stairs or the elevator
My next thought was: "Well, that escalated quickly"
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︎ May 05 2021
What did the feet say to the floor?
I can't stand you anymore!
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︎ May 05 2021
What sound do you make when you swept the floor too fast?
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︎ Apr 02 2021
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
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︎ Apr 14 2021
I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe.
I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe!
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︎ Mar 20 2021
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just quietly slide it under the refrigerator.
Soon itβll be water under the fridge.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
My wife asked me to vacuum the floor.
I said "come on, that is beneath me"
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︎ Apr 05 2021
There was a mushroom on the first floor of my house.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said βmummy, youβve peeβd on the floorβ
Needless to say I was in stitches.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Why is there so much dirt on the forest floor?
Because nature abhors a vacuum
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︎ Mar 05 2021
As much as they tried, the ladies couldn't get Mr. Peanut out onto the dance floor.
He was a bit of a wall nut.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Perhaps this is why wood floors are so popular these days
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︎ Feb 03 2021
What lies on the ocean floor twitching uncontrollably?
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︎ Feb 16 2021
I have a great joke about the floor and the roof.
It has a lot of potential.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Why did the painter shit on the floor?
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︎ Mar 11 2021
The banana peel forgot what it was doing on the floor.
Mustβve slipped its mind.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Why did the owner of the mansion put the floors of his mansion on Tinder?
He wanted them to be swept right!
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Was in my local gardening centre looking at outdoor floor boards when the owner asked me if I wanted decking?
Luckily I got the first punch in.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Climbing through my window on the first floor was easy. But if it was the second floor,
That'd be a different story all together.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. βKobe!β I shout. βNo.β He says in a disappointed tone...
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
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︎ Oct 21 2020
After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor
Yes, it was the VI P room
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What do you call a cow that fell on the floor
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︎ Oct 14 2020
I don't like your Italian marble floor.
Well That's like Europinion man
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I told my friend a joke and he fell on the floor from laughter
I guess some people cant stand jokes
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︎ Dec 03 2020
The dog pooped on the floor, and it stank to high heavens.
So I blasted the Febreezus out of the place.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Woman on the floor: help! Someone call me an ambulance
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What kind of floors do Ghosts prefer in their homes?
Bam-Boo floors.
Happy Halloween to all!
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︎ Oct 28 2020
What did the first floor say to the second floor?
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︎ Oct 10 2020
I βpeaβdβ on the floor.
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︎ Aug 28 2020
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
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︎ Oct 05 2020
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I feel so bad for the floor..
Everyone just walks all over it
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︎ Sep 10 2020
Pixar is making a Finding Nemo sequel where he opens McDonaldβs locations on the ocean floor.
Itβs called The Flounder.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.
Soon Itβll just be water under the fridge.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.
Soon, itβll be water under the fridge.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
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