Random stranger cold blooded floored me
My girlfriend and I were walking with her carrying a backpack and I was holding a bag of ice on each shoulder.
Random woman walks by and just looks at both of us and goes "she's really giving you the cold shoulder"
I was just floored. I never saw her before and I've never seen her again but I really hope things are working out for her.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 26 2016
I was floored by the response of our boss last night
I work in a kitchen and at night the floor mats need to rolled up and washed. While watching a new kid struggle with a ripped mat, I said "I think it's about time we get a new mat."
Our boss, named Matt, instantly yells from inside the nearby office "Oh come on, I'm sitting right here!" And while I didn't physically see it, I could feel the giant smile on his face as we all laughed
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jul 09 2015
After cracking a few punny Dad Jokes to my friends, I was floored by my friend's response.
Friend 1: You'll be great at Dad Jokes when you become a Dad.
Me: That may be a while away. At least it means I'll get laid.
Friend 2: You know that's not what kids are for...
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 27 2014
Need help with a pun
I work for a flooring company and my boss asked me to design some merch. He asked for a flooring pun I could put on a T Shirt. Any ideas??
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
π︎ 823
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
Farting in a packed elevator...
It's wrong on so many levels.
π︎ 190
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. βKobe!β I shout. βNo.β He says in a disappointed tone...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.
Soon Itβll just be water under the fridge.
π︎ 449
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
What kind of flooring does the snake-loving architect design all of his homes with?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Climbing through my window on the first floor was easy. But if it was the second floor,
That'd be a different story all together.
π︎ 296
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
A Bishop's Twitter Post
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
I don't like your Italian marble floor.
Well That's like Europinion man
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
π︎ 23
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor
Yes, it was the VI P room
π︎ 63
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
I told my friend a joke and he fell on the floor from laughter
I guess some people cant stand jokes
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
What do you call a cow that fell on the floor
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
Woman on the floor: help! Someone call me an ambulance
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
What kind of floors do Ghosts prefer in their homes?
Bam-Boo floors.
Happy Halloween to all!
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
What do you call a furniture store that isover 30 km away?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
What did the first floor say to the second floor?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
Pixar is making a Finding Nemo sequel where he opens McDonaldβs locations on the ocean floor.
Itβs called The Flounder.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I βpeaβdβ on the floor.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
I feel so bad for the floor..
Everyone just walks all over it
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
My boyfriendβs cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
I own a steakhouse pub in which the counter can actually pop in and out of the floor
Let's say I raised the bar and set the steaks.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
Did you hear about the comedian who fell through some floor boards?
He was just going through a stage
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.
I said Iβm sure theyβre fine, itβs just a stage theyβre going through.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
What did our lord and savior do when He noticed the temple floor was dirty?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
What substance do they make disco floors out of?
π︎ 107
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
Falling from 3 floors isnβt that badβ¦
But 4 floors is another story.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
Ella
π︎ 45
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
floor gang awhoo
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
I think we all should use nothing but mops and brooms to clean our floors
I guess that means I'm anti-vacs.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
Thereβs nothing like the first floor of a house. But the upstairs...
Well thatβs a different story.
π︎ 64
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
We moved to a second floor apartment with ceiling fans.
I can now say I have fans in high places.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
The teacher told him not to use tables
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
What does the Mexican carpet fitter say whenever he lays a new floor?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
I dropped my steak on the floor
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
Elevators terrify me
I'm taking steps to avoid them
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
I was in an elevator and got out at the 10th floor.
The operator said βHave a nice day sonβ. βDonβt call me sonβ I said. βYouβre not my dadβ
The operator scratched his head and said βNo, but I brought you up didnβt I?β
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.
Soon, itβll be water under the fridge.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
An actor I know fell through the floor once.
But it was just a stage he was going through.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
Did you hear about the actor that fell through the floor?
It was just a stage he was going through.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.