Random stranger cold blooded floored me

My girlfriend and I were walking with her carrying a backpack and I was holding a bag of ice on each shoulder.

Random woman walks by and just looks at both of us and goes "she's really giving you the cold shoulder"

I was just floored. I never saw her before and I've never seen her again but I really hope things are working out for her.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
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I was floored by the response of our boss last night

I work in a kitchen and at night the floor mats need to rolled up and washed. While watching a new kid struggle with a ripped mat, I said "I think it's about time we get a new mat."

Our boss, named Matt, instantly yells from inside the nearby office "Oh come on, I'm sitting right here!" And while I didn't physically see it, I could feel the giant smile on his face as we all laughed

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derekorjustD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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After cracking a few punny Dad Jokes to my friends, I was floored by my friend's response.

Friend 1: You'll be great at Dad Jokes when you become a Dad.

Me: That may be a while away. At least it means I'll get laid.

Friend 2: You know that's not what kids are for...

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexTheGiant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
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Need help with a pun

I work for a flooring company and my boss asked me to design some merch. He asked for a flooring pun I could put on a T Shirt. Any ideas??

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raistrikk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.

This is because concrete floors are really hard.

πŸ‘︎ 823
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place

Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Farting in a packed elevator...

It's wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. β€œKobe!” I shout. β€œNo.” He says in a disappointed tone...

...Colby

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJJoyce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon It’ll just be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 449
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAvacadoBandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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What kind of flooring does the snake-loving architect design all of his homes with?

Reptile

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beemoh808
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Climbing through my window on the first floor was easy. But if it was the second floor,

That'd be a different story all together.

πŸ‘︎ 296
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retro_Lancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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A Bishop's Twitter Post
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealAjmera
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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I don't like your Italian marble floor.

Well That's like Europinion man

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor

Yes, it was the VI P room

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I told my friend a joke and he fell on the floor from laughter

I guess some people cant stand jokes

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OshriM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that fell on the floor

Ground beef

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWeirdLama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Woman on the floor: help! Someone call me an ambulance

Me: Hi ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saugatRJ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of floors do Ghosts prefer in their homes?

Bam-Boo floors.

Happy Halloween to all!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crowkiller06
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a furniture store that isover 30 km away?

The Sofa-r store

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/all_knowing_john
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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What did the first floor say to the second floor?

I’m board.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Pixar is making a Finding Nemo sequel where he opens McDonald’s locations on the ocean floor.

It’s called The Flounder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whaddayagondo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.

Id say its a problem-attic

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamchrisp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?

Looks like a hundred bucks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theflintseeker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I β€œpea’d” on the floor.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-TrueNugget
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I feel so bad for the floor..

Everyone just walks all over it

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archiewalton09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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My boyfriend’s cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....

He’s Jack in the box.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsmeeeskai
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I own a steakhouse pub in which the counter can actually pop in and out of the floor

Let's say I raised the bar and set the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SumFunnyOne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Did you hear about the comedian who fell through some floor boards?

He was just going through a stage

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.

I said I’m sure they’re fine, it’s just a stage they’re going through.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What did our lord and savior do when He noticed the temple floor was dirty?

Jesus swept.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/42alj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What substance do they make disco floors out of?

Getdowntonite

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluestu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Falling from 3 floors isn’t that bad…

But 4 floors is another story.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorbanzoBean69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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Ella
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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floor gang awhoo
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daniel326435
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I think we all should use nothing but mops and brooms to clean our floors

I guess that means I'm anti-vacs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nashvulnative
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s nothing like the first floor of a house. But the upstairs...

Well that’s a different story.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reverse_Chode
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
We moved to a second floor apartment with ceiling fans.

I can now say I have fans in high places.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UchihaSasuke019
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

The teacher told him not to use tables

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the Mexican carpet fitter say whenever he lays a new floor?

Underlay! Underlay!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EskimoJake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped my steak on the floor

Now it’s ground beef

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mazzylove
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Elevators terrify me

I'm taking steps to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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I was in an elevator and got out at the 10th floor.

The operator said β€˜Have a nice day son’. β€˜Don’t call me son’ I said. β€˜You’re not my dad’ The operator scratched his head and said β€˜No, but I brought you up didn’t I?’

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/debin_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.

Soon, it’ll be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
An actor I know fell through the floor once.

But it was just a stage he was going through.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the actor that fell through the floor?

It was just a stage he was going through.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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