My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around, eventually.
The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
I love how the Earth rotates
What is the least spoken language on earth
Man I really love how the earth spins...
What on earth is brown and sticky?
Why don’t aliens ever visit Earth?
Because it only has one star
Why does a moon rock taste better then an earth rock?
Because there a littler meteor.
Recent studies show Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.
Current events make it less attractive.
All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop
What's the most sarcastic body of water on Earth ?
I was going to make a dad joke about the center of the earth...
Why don't we eat asteroids until they get to Earth?
Because that's when they're meteor!
Pun from The Middle Earth
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
How do we know the Earth is flat?
The most remote place on earth
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your
B-Earth-Day
yes, i'm born on earth day...
Here’s an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.
They’re just optical illusions.
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it
What’s the Fastest Growing City on Earth?
The capital of Ireland.
It’s Dublin every day.
I once saw an add to enter the falt earth society
It said they were gathering people from all around the globe
A suspicious looking spacecraft landed on Earth to bring back to life ray-finned fish. But one spacecraft wasn't sufficient, so more arrived.
I think it was extra to restore eels
Why do space rocks taste better than earth rocks?
The ends of the earth are the most fun.
But it's really hard to make ends meet. They are very busy.
What is the tallest building on earth?
The library, it has the most stories
If the earth was flat and fish swam over the edge, where would they go?
My house got swallowed up by the earth today
Not a good sinkhole de mayo
Got fired as an electrician over safety concerns
But I think their fears were ungrounded
Me: Son, there is a soulmate for you on every corner of the earth
Son: But the earth is round
a:) accidentally broke one of the earths layers!
b:) which one?
a:) dismantle
On Earth Day I was going to plant a tree
But I planted my butt on the couch.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
This Square Earth I found at a book store.
When should you inject the earth with antidepressants?
When its suffering from poor mantle health.
What do you call a flat earth rap?
what is called when worms take over Earth?
Which country on Earth has the worst internet service?
The Earth employs its continents.
Did you hear about the near-sighted aliens who showed up on Earth?
They were looking for first contacts.
On Earth Hour, we'd like to shed some light...
on the importance of saving energy.
The main reason there are so many dormant volcanoes on Earth is
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
What vehicle wabbles in the air
What did I just see suddenly and unexpectedly on Google Earth?
How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?
Why is life on Earth so unpredictable?
Because Earth is bipolar.
You would think the Earth is best, but the moon runs rings around it
Scientists got bored watching the earth turn, so after 24 hours
Why does earth always have mood swings?
What does the sun say to the earth every New Year's Day?
What do you call Sir Francis Drake's circumnavigation of the Earth?
I love short people
They are the most down to earth human beings
What would Earth be without art?
Eh.
Literally just had this one made up by my 10 year old. So proud!
Why shouldn't you trust the offspring of the king of the jungle and the fastest cat on earth?
Because they're lion cheetahs.
What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?
When a Dad turns one again...
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said “I’ve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earth”. The Angel said “What are you going to do now?” ...
“Oh I think I’ll call it a day” God replies.
What did Bruce Willis say when he saw an asteroid heading for earth?
What if Earth had a ring like Saturn?
It wouldn't be single anymore.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What's the most Down-to-Earth state in the USA?
Floorida.
(Originally by my 5-year-old cousin)
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
I love the way Earth rotates.
I debated with a flat earther once. He got so mad and steamed of saying he would walk of the edge of the earth.
He'll come around eventually.
Recent evidence shows that Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.
Yes. It’s true. Current events have made it less attractive.
Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?
It’s just a little meteor.
I love the way the Earth rotates
I love how earth rotates.
I love it when the earth turns! It just really makes my day.
I just love how the earth rotates
What's the fastest liquid on Earth?
Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth;
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I love the way the earth rotates.
Why doesn’t aliens visit Earth?
Because we only have a one star review.
You know what really makes my day?
The rotation of the earth
What is the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk! It’s pasteurized before you even see it!
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk.
It's pasteurised before you see it.
I love short people
They are the most down to earth human beings
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...
What’s the fastest growing city on Earth?
The capital of Ireland – it’s Dublin every day.
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
I got an email from Google that said "At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards". And so I thought...
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