My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
π︎ 17k
π
︎ May 06 2020
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
βThatβs just spam.β
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 31 2020
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying heβd walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
Heβll come around, eventually.
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π
︎ May 17 2020
The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
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π
︎ Apr 28 2020
I love how the Earth rotates
π︎ 954
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
What a down to Earth guy
π︎ 280
π
︎ May 17 2020
What is the least spoken language on earth
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 23 2020
Man I really love how the earth spins...
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
What on earth is brown and sticky?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
Why donβt aliens ever visit Earth?
Because it only has one star
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
Down to Earth....
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
Why does a moon rock taste better then an earth rock?
Because there a littler meteor.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
Recent studies show Earthβs magnetic field is weakening.
Current events make it less attractive.
All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
What's the most sarcastic body of water on Earth ?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
Technically true
π︎ 973
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
I was going to make a dad joke about the center of the earth...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
Why don't we eat asteroids until they get to Earth?
Because that's when they're meteor!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
Pun from The Middle Earth
π︎ 71
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
π︎ 52
π
︎ May 16 2020
How do we know the Earth is flat?
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 28 2020
The most remote place on earth
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your
B-Earth-Day
yes, i'm born on earth day...
π︎ 26
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Hereβs an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.
Theyβre just optical illusions.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 16 2020
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Oct 25 2019
Whatβs the Fastest Growing City on Earth?
The capital of Ireland.
Itβs Dublin every day.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
I once saw an add to enter the falt earth society
It said they were gathering people from all around the globe
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π
︎ May 18 2020
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
A suspicious looking spacecraft landed on Earth to bring back to life ray-finned fish. But one spacecraft wasn't sufficient, so more arrived.
I think it was extra to restore eels
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π
︎ May 01 2020
Why do space rocks taste better than earth rocks?
Theyβre a little meteor.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 19 2020
The ends of the earth are the most fun.
But it's really hard to make ends meet. They are very busy.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 10 2020
What is the tallest building on earth?
The library, it has the most stories
π︎ 34
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
If the earth was flat and fish swam over the edge, where would they go?
π︎ 81
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
My house got swallowed up by the earth today
Not a good sinkhole de mayo
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 05 2020
Got fired as an electrician over safety concerns
But I think their fears were ungrounded
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
Me: Son, there is a soulmate for you on every corner of the earth
Son: But the earth is round
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
a:) accidentally broke one of the earths layers!
b:) which one?
a:) dismantle
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
On Earth Day I was going to plant a tree
But I planted my butt on the couch.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
This Square Earth I found at a book store.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
When should you inject the earth with antidepressants?
When its suffering from poor mantle health.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 16 2020
What do you call a flat earth rap?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
what is called when worms take over Earth?
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
Which country on Earth has the worst internet service?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
The Earth employs its continents.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 18 2020
What on Earth...
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 25 2019
Did you hear about the near-sighted aliens who showed up on Earth?
They were looking for first contacts.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 13 2020
On Earth Hour, we'd like to shed some light...
on the importance of saving energy.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 12 2020
The main reason there are so many dormant volcanoes on Earth is
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Feb 06 2020
It's simply the best.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jan 06 2020
What vehicle wabbles in the air
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
What did I just see suddenly and unexpectedly on Google Earth?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 04 2020
How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
Why is life on Earth so unpredictable?
Because Earth is bipolar.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 06 2020
You would think the Earth is best, but the moon runs rings around it
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 30 2019
Scientists got bored watching the earth turn, so after 24 hours
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
Why does earth always have mood swings?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
What does the sun say to the earth every New Year's Day?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
What do you call Sir Francis Drake's circumnavigation of the Earth?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
I love short people
They are the most down to earth human beings
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
What would Earth be without art?
Eh.
Literally just had this one made up by my 10 year old. So proud!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
Why shouldn't you trust the offspring of the king of the jungle and the fastest cat on earth?
Because they're lion cheetahs.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
Wonders of the earth
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π
︎ Mar 08 2019
When a Dad turns one again...
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 09 2020
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said βIβve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earthβ. The Angel said βWhat are you going to do now?β ...
βOh I think Iβll call it a dayβ God replies.
π︎ 76
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
What did Bruce Willis say when he saw an asteroid heading for earth?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 24 2019
What if Earth had a ring like Saturn?
It wouldn't be single anymore.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 21 2019
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
π︎ 52
π
︎ May 22 2020
What's the most Down-to-Earth state in the USA?
Floorida.
(Originally by my 5-year-old cousin)
π︎ 142
π
︎ Aug 05 2019
sbeve
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
I love the way Earth rotates.
π︎ 58
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
I debated with a flat earther once. He got so mad and steamed of saying he would walk of the edge of the earth.
He'll come around eventually.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
Recent evidence shows that Earthβs magnetic field is weakening.
Yes. Itβs true. Current events have made it less attractive.
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 26 2020
Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?
Itβs just a little meteor.
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 19 2020
I love the way the Earth rotates
π︎ 46
π
︎ Apr 01 2020
I love how earth rotates.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
I love it when the earth turns! It just really makes my day.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 19 2020
I just love how the earth rotates
π︎ 82
π
︎ Dec 27 2019
What's the fastest liquid on Earth?
Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.
π︎ 421
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth;
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
π︎ 758
π
︎ Sep 25 2019
I love the way the earth rotates.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 15 2019
Why doesnβt aliens visit Earth?
Because we only have a one star review.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
You know what really makes my day?
The rotation of the earth
π︎ 235
π
︎ May 19 2020
What is the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk! Itβs pasteurized before you even see it!
π︎ 997
π
︎ Jun 01 2019
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk.
It's pasteurised before you see it.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
I love short people
They are the most down to earth human beings
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
Itβs pasteurized before you even see it.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Oct 03 2019
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
π︎ 53
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...
βThatβs just spam.β
π︎ 22k
π
︎ Mar 21 2018
Whatβs the fastest growing city on Earth?
The capital of Ireland β itβs Dublin every day.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Sep 07 2019
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
Itβs pasteurized before you even see it.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
I got an email from Google that said "At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards". And so I thought...
π︎ 44
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
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