A list of puns related to "Breakfast Food"
Quacker oats
I just didn't wanna sue Flay.
Surreal.
EDIT: My coworker demands that I give her credit for this. And she's right
Shredded Wheat
I was....pancake battered
For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said “It’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”
Dad replied, “Oh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”
I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐
My wife woke me up this morning to ask me if I wanted a breakfast wrap.
Her: "You want a wrap?" Me: "I'm white, so I'm not too good at it, but I can try."
The disappointed look on her face was magical.
The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.
The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.
Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.
“We played with each other’s peas!” The little one chimes in.
Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.
“We gathered peas, he meant.” Added the middle boy.
“Okay, and what did you have for breakfast?”
“Pea soup.”
“Lunch?”
“Pea soup.”
The boys started sniggering.
“What’s so funny? And what about dinner?”
“Nothing dad. We had pea soup too.”
“Well, that doesn’t seem like much. What did you do all evening?”
Bursting out laughing, they all said:
“Pee soup.”
Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.
To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.
I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.
Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.
You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.
The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.
The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.
Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.
Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.
But so far, I've quit cold turkey.
Three guys walk into a pink hotel, they go threw a pink door, it's the pink reception desk and sign into the pink book. The lady dressed in pink walks them up the pink stairs, down a pink hall then gives them the pink keys to their pink rooms. They all walk into their pink room, put their suitcases down on the pink carpet, then place their clothes in a pink cupboard. They have a bath in their pink shower and dry themselves with the pink towels. They finally go to sleep in the pink beds. They wake in the morning and go downstairs to have breakfast. They have their pink bowls, pink cups and pink cutlery. When they are asked what they want for breakfast one man says he will have weatbix and the other two say they want cornflakes. Once they are finished their food, they pack their suitcases up and leave the pink hotel. The moral of this story is that two out of three people prefer cornflakes...
As we were planning the post-funeral reception, my little bro asked “is there a sad food?”
I said, “Breakfast..... because you eat it in the mourning”
Ps my wife is pregnant with my first child!
So we were at the mall today, grabbed lunch in the food court. My wife had gotten a soda with her lunch, when her phone went off to remind her to drink a glass of water (she has it set to go off like 4 times a day). Remembering that she had milk at breakfast, I commented to my daughter, 'Man, Mommy is drinking everything BUT water today isn't she?'
'Daddy, butt water sounds DISGUSTING.'
Sigh.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
A man's having breakfast in a diner, but has no idea what to order. He asks the waitress for a recommendation, who suggests the Eggs Benedict.
When the meal comes out it's served to him on a metal plate, which seems a little odd, but he shrugs and eats it.
The food was amazing, but he's still confused about the way it was served, so he gets the waitress's attention.
"The food was great and all, but what's with the plate?" he asks.
"Don't you know? There's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise!"
Me- buying food and a naked orange juice for breakfast cashier- naked oj... thought i would have to go to a nevada prison to see that. Me- HAAAA.... Cashier - stick with apple juice, OJ kills.
We're eating breakfast at a restaurant and I ordered a crepe with a chocolate sauce. As I'm eating, some sauce drops just below lower lip. My dad points this out and asks what it would be called, because if I had it on my upper lip it would becalled a chocolate mustache. We both agreed it wasn't really a chocolate goatee and eventually switched topics. When I finish my food, I wipe my face and ask if it's good. He immediately replies with "ya, now it's a real goatee"
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