I considered giving up my honey business and joining a cult

But I'm just not a bee leaver.

Edit: Thank you for the award, friend!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Her: Honey can you pick up some milk

Him:* lifts gallon * done

Her: no from the store

Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."

"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!

Let that sink in

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Honey, can you grab me some ankle socks?

No, they're feet socks, silly!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lillyofthedesert
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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As we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching a beautiful sunset, I got down on one knee and said, β€œHoney?”

She gasped audibly and said, β€œYeah?”

I said, β€œHelp! My knee is made of magnets!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...

...she was a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hover-lovecraft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Honey, you are the sun that lights my sky.

I'm glad you're there, but god I hate looking at you.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopUpAdCockBlock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
The American honey industry uses fascinating tech

It’s all powered by US bees.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quakesand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Honey, I think you did something backwards with the carnitas...

...this pork tastes like krop.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Honey where's my super suit
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squiffy_Can
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Wife: "What are you making for dinner tonight, honey?"

Me: "Reservations. "

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Last night my wife says "Honey will you go get us some tortilla chips and cheese?"

I looked deep into her eyes and said "I'm nacho delivery service. "

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skotgil
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
You can catch a lot of flys with honey

But you'll catch more honeys being fly

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife pulled me aside yesterday. We sat down and she told me she had some news. Honey, I'm pregnant were here exact words.

I responded with hi pregnant, i'm dad.

"No you're not."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwawaymaybeso
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Honey did Stephen King make you?

Why?

Cause you're Shining.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
No, not up myself honey.
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awildnyx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Honey, did you recycle the old computer, or just throw it in the trash?

My boyfriend: Neither. I put it on the .com-post.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HazelNutt125
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a room full of dudes that like honey?

The bro-hive

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Husband: Honey! Pack your bags, I just won the lottery...

Wife: That’s wonderful, honey! Where are we going?

Husband: β€œWe’re” not going anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hamburger with honey?

A beeschurger

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShinobiKid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.

It was a queso mistaken identity.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife β€œHoney, there’s a chip in our new bowls!” She was not as impressed.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kekesupreme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked, "What's wrong honey?" I sighed, "I’m just not having much luck with jobs lately."

"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I made this little Honeymoon pin, get it? Honey- moon? hope you like it! (:
πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElTamagotchi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked, β€œHoney, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”

It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A wife says to her husband: "Honey, I want to donate my clothes to people who are starving."

The husband replys: "Debra whoever receives your clothes surely won't be starving."

(I apologise if this has already been posted, I just heard my dad say it to me today.)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PresidentalPanda
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife at dinner, "honey your chicken parmesan reminds me of a poutine" she said "how's that?"

Because I want to poutine my mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fullmiz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Honey! I finally got the car seat in the car! Where’s the kid?

College!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recentlyunearthed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I had some delicious honey on my toast this morning.

Later as I walked past the hive where it came from I said "Thank you bees for making the best honey in the world." A few shouted back "It's good but we wouldn't say it was the best honey in the world."

Oh I thought, they must be humble bees.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."

"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...

"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does Austin Powers get his honey?

"Oh Bee-hive!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelkamote
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."

"...put an β€˜s’ at the front and an β€˜e’ at the end!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
"Honey, I'm three weeks late"

"HI THREE WEEKS LATE I'M DAD"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moronicuniform
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When you're kissin with your honey, and your nose starts getting runny, you may think it's funny

But it's snot

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Restless_Hippie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How is honey like the Boy Scout motto?

They're both bee-prepared.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Honey, I’ve got something to tell you and for once I’m not full of crap

I just took a giant dump

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.

Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
"Hey honey did you hear they came out with a male birth control cream?"

It's being marketed as Son-block.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Hi honey I'm pregnant. Hi pregnant, I'm dad.

No you're not.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
You can catch flies using honey

But you’ll catch more honeys being fly

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyPirate1432
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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