I considered giving up my honey business and joining a cult
But I'm just not a bee leaver.
Edit: Thank you for the award, friend!!!!
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
Her: Honey can you pick up some milk
Him:* lifts gallon * done
Her: no from the store
Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!
Honey, can you grab me some ankle socks?
No, they're feet socks, silly!
As we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching a beautiful sunset, I got down on one knee and said, “Honey?”
She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”
I said, “Help! My knee is made of magnets!”
The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...
Honey, you are the sun that lights my sky.
I'm glad you're there, but god I hate looking at you.
The American honey industry uses fascinating tech
It’s all powered by US bees.
Honey, I think you did something backwards with the carnitas...
...this pork tastes like krop.
Honey where's my super suit
Wife: "What are you making for dinner tonight, honey?"
Last night my wife says "Honey will you go get us some tortilla chips and cheese?"
I looked deep into her eyes and said
"I'm nacho delivery service. "
You can catch a lot of flys with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly
My wife pulled me aside yesterday. We sat down and she told me she had some news. Honey, I'm pregnant were here exact words.
I responded with hi pregnant, i'm dad.
"No you're not."
Honey did Stephen King make you?
Cause you're Shining.
Me: Honey, did you recycle the old computer, or just throw it in the trash?
My boyfriend: Neither. I put it on the .com-post.
What do you call a room full of dudes that like honey?
Husband: Honey! Pack your bags, I just won the lottery...
Wife: That’s wonderful, honey! Where are we going?
Husband: “We’re” not going anywhere.
What do you call a hamburger with honey?
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.
It was a queso mistaken identity.
I told my wife “Honey, there’s a chip in our new bowls!” She was not as impressed.
My wife asked, "What's wrong honey?" I sighed, "I’m just not having much luck with jobs lately."
"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"
I made this little Honeymoon pin, get it? Honey- moon? hope you like it! (:
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
A wife says to her husband: "Honey, I want to donate my clothes to people who are starving."
The husband replys: "Debra whoever receives your clothes surely won't be starving."
(I apologise if this has already been posted, I just heard my dad say it to me today.)
I told my wife at dinner, "honey your chicken parmesan reminds me of a poutine" she said "how's that?"
Because I want to poutine my mouth.
Honey! I finally got the car seat in the car! Where’s the kid?
I had some delicious honey on my toast this morning.
Later as I walked past the hive where it came from I said "Thank you bees for making the best honey in the world." A few shouted back "It's good but we wouldn't say it was the best honey in the world."
Oh I thought, they must be humble bees.
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...
"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"
Where does Austin Powers get his honey?
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end!"
"Honey, I'm three weeks late"
"HI THREE WEEKS LATE I'M DAD"
When you're kissin with your honey, and your nose starts getting runny, you may think it's funny
How is honey like the Boy Scout motto?
They're both bee-prepared.
Honey, I’ve got something to tell you and for once I’m not full of crap
Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.
Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.
"Hey honey did you hear they came out with a male birth control cream?"
It's being marketed as Son-block.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
Hi honey I'm pregnant. Hi pregnant, I'm dad.
You can catch flies using honey
But you’ll catch more honeys being fly